Will Smith, God, and good times.
I had a dream last night, as I usually do, but last night’s was a bit of a break from the norm. Usually my dreams are like action sequences from Michael Bay films.. action-packed, but usually pointless. Last night, however, things were a little more interesting.
It all started with me on a farm. Apparently, some farmers had lost their 14-year-old daughter. I was apparently volunteering my services as some sort of private investigator to try and find their daughter. I was walking through a corn field with the dad, he was telling me how the last time they’d seen her was when she went out to check on the crops. As we walked the crops, a 55-gallon drum slid itself in front of me, as if pushed by a ghost. I looked at the dad with a confused look on my face as his face appeared flush as if he had indeed SEEN a ghost.
I popped off the lid on the drum and it was full of dirt. I started to sift through the dirt when I felt the unmistakable feeling of flesh. A knot formed in my throat as I realized this was the child. I turned to the dad and let him know that I thought I found his daughter, his eyes glossed over and his head dropped as he tried to grip this grim reality. Breaking the silence and sadness of the moment, a booming voice billowed; “Yes, that is the girl. She should not have died, she is a special girl and she will not be dead much longer.”. We looked all around us in a panic.. confused and greatly disturbed by this voice. Calmness soon fell upon us as we realized what that voice indeed was. Along with the realization, I could now see the spirit of the child standing mere feet away from the drum.. alongside her was a shape of a man, with no distinguishable features.. an aura, at most. The child stood there with a sad look on her face, as if scared and confused herself.
The aura reached into the drum with one arm and pulled out the body of the child, setting her gently on the ground before us. He turned towards the girl and, without a word spoken, the spirit of the child laid down on her body, restoring life to it once more. The father become overjoyed and rushed to hug his daughter.
The aura then turned to me and proclaimed that the death of the child was at the hands of her very own mother, whom despised her for her beauty. See, the child’s mother had been born with a facial deformity. The aura announced that he had forgiven her and would restore her beauty as well. From the distance we could hear a scream at the farm, no doubt from the mother’s deformity having disappeared.
In an instant, the aura and myself were now standing in front of my home. He thanked me for the good I have done. He mentioned that since Will Smith was no longer funny, he would leave me with a gift.. suddenly a book appeared on the ground before us. On the cover of the book was the following: “Happ.il.ly”.
The aura told me that until Will Smith is funny again, all I have to do is touch the book and I will be able to relive the happiest moments of my life. He cautioned me, however, that thinking about the worst events of my life while touching the book could indeed take me there instead.. assuring me that it was in my best interest to alway think positive. With those words he was no more.
Curious and excited, I rushed to touch the book.. I was instantly overwhelmed with the most powerful blast of immense happiness. It was as if every moment of joy in my life had become bundled into one second. It was a great feeling, one I wanted to share. I called my friends, they called their friends, soon word was out and everyone was coming to touch the book.
Then one day, Will Smith was in town and he touched the book. Shortly thereafter, whenever anyone would touch the book, it would hail severely over the book. I pondered aloud why this was happening, the voice answered.. “Will Smith is funny again.”
Fin.
Crazy shizzle, huh?
Subscribe to this blog's RSS feed
A happy camper
This weekend I did something I’ve never done before..
Have sex?
No, I went camping and tubing. On July 4th, Special K had a cookout. While there, some of her friends started planning a camping trip and invited us.. they assured me that if I refused.. I would die. And, well, I wanna live forever.. so I [...]
Death is in the details
Today I noticed something about myself that I’ve been afraid to look at. I’ve discovered that I’m not meticulous. That’s right, I lack meticule.
What the heck is “meticule”?
Well, It’s attention to detail. Back in the day, I used to draw. I drew often.. heck, I still doodle every chance I get. I like art, and [...]
Avoid a void.
People! I hates people! They walk on ya, and step on ya, walk on ya and step on ya.. people!
Well that’s a pleasant way to start a blog post.
Well, there’s a madness to my method.. listen up. I have a problem.. well, yet ANOTHER problem. People scare me. I’m not sure if it’s because life [...]
How to kick an addiction
Oh god, here we go!
First of all, I do not condone violence.. if you’re addiction is to cats, dogs, or women, do not kick them!
Now.. I’m an addict. There, I said it.. I feel better.
When I was a little baby, instead of milk, my mother fed me coffee in a bottle. Ok, that may not [...]
Etch-a-Skid
um.. what am I looking at?
Oh, hi! I didn’t see you there. This is my new tattoo. The first two pictures are from Photoshop, where I drew it.. the other two were taken at the tattoo place. Wutcha think?
I think it looks painful.
Nah, it just feels like a slight sunburn.. not too bad.
Wait a second.. [...]
All I need to know about life I learned in the Air Force
Image via Wikipedia
Atteeeeeeenshun!!
For those of you that don’t know (shame on you!), I was in the U.S. Air Force from 1994 to 2002. When I joined the Air Force, I was pretty stupid, naive, inexperienced, or as I like to say.. Neanderthalic (i.e.: Like a caveman). The only place I’d ever known was my hometown [...]
How to get SproutCore running on Ubuntu 8.04
I had some issues getting it running.. so here’s what I done did to fix it.
Open up a terminal, crack your knuckles, then:
sudo apt-get install ruby
If you don’t have Ruby installed, guess what.. you need it.
sudo apt-get install rubygems
You also need rubygems, since sproutcore is such a gem.
sudo apt-get install ruby1.8-dev
You’ll need this in [...]
I’m a cunning Linguist!
Image via Wikipedia
I’m on a mission from God
During the last year, I’ve been on a quest.. a quest to learn the next best thing in programming. I’ve taken trips here and there to engage in week-long training courses, boot camps, and so on. For the last decade or so, I’ve been a .NET programmer, I’m [...]
Brain Games
We Humans need people to talk to, otherwise we go crazy.
I was reading recently about some scientist who believes that in the near future technology will be able to download our minds and put them on a computer. Being the geek I am, my first response was “cool!”, I mean.. who wouldn’t want to [...]