Why guys look at porn

In today’s episode I will attempt to answer this question, which I seem to get a lot. Let me preface this by saying that what follows is based on my observations and discussions with other men and women on the subject as well as my personal opinions.

I’ve been looking at porn since before I could even get a woody.. I remember walking past a demolished building and finding an adult magazine among the rubble as a kid, my friends and I huddled around it in amazement as the stench of alcohol poured from each page. Surely it was the late night comfort of a homeless person before we got to it. From that point on it was the task of each of us to try and find more and share it. Some kids would raid their daddy’s stash, others would get adults to buy stuff for them. It was a functional bartering system which provided us lil guys with a great educational resource.

Fast forward 750 years and I’m still looking at porn, still learning, and in a way.. still bartering (bittorrent – You have to give in order to get). Every time I start a new relationship, I end up having the porn conversation and occasionally friends ask my opinion or advice on a porn related subject.. so here I’ll be laying out some of the most common questions:

  • Why do guys look at porn?
    • Guys look at porn for many reasons. Sometimes boredom, sometimes because we’re single or otherwise not getting any action, sometimes even just to be able to clear our minds. In a study conducted in 1948, 92% of men spanked it.. that’s right, even your pops. The same study shows that men think about sex several times a day.. that was then, imagine NOW where sex is plastered everywhere you look! What’s in it for us? Shortly following orgasm we get a nice dose of endorphines pumped into our brains.. we like that, it makes us happy.. so what a better way to brighten your day than by getting a quick hit of afterglow juice? Granted, there are other ways to get the same effect.. sex, running, crack.. but no way is so easily accessible or quick to achieve. So the basic math is, guys are visual.. we need to SEE something in order to move ourselves to our fix.
  • Am I cheating on my wife?
    • That depends.. is the porn of someone you actually know or do you wish you were with the porn star instead of your wife? From my studies I do not find this to be the case with most men, including myself. Most men use porn to either get their fix, or sometimes even to learn new moves and spice up their sex lives.
  • Does it mean he’s not satisfied with me?
    • Not at all. This is perhaps the hardest part for women to understand. A man looking at porn usually has no direct correlation to his partners sexual performance, to the man it’s no different than watching a ball game on tv.. except this game uses different balls. Now, I say “usually” because sometimes it IS due to you.. for instance if you have an addiction to using the word “No”. Some women tend to use sex as a weapon.. or reward to get men to do their bidding, this action would prompt men to make a mental decision “Do I do xyz in order to get sex or do I just take care of it myself?”, also if you and your partner have discussed each of your fantasies and desires but one is unwilling to engage in fulfilling the desires of the other, then that could lead to excessive pornage. I’m not saying it’s essential to cater to their every desire, as some fantasies are best left that way.. but be aware of the side effects.
  • How can I get him to stop?
    • Get him to stop? You can no more stop him from that than you can stop him from pooping or snoring. The only thing you would do if you tried to get him to stop is manage to get him to start hiding it from you. I know many guys whose women asked them to stop, to which they agreed only then to start devising complicated schemes of protecting their porn habits.. from cleaning out the “visited websites” part of the web browser to special hidden folders on the computer. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to NOT push your partner into deception as that would be worse than anything you can imagine. I can only recommend that you either learn to accept it or better yet embrace it as something you can both do together.. done properly it can greatly intensify your sex life.
  • Not all guys look at porn!
    • From my observations I conclude that there are two types of men when it comes to porn.. those who look at porn, and those who lie about it. Porn and masturbation have been defined in such negative terms that men will either blatantly boast about it as a sign of defiance or hide it somewhere dark and dank in fear or being chastised for being a man. From prehistoric times where cavemen etched naked chicks onto cave walls to the futurists future where we’ll have porn etched onto our eyelids, porn will not be going away and it must be accepted and controlled just like video games, caffeine, and any other acceptable part of life. 92% in 1948.. that’s 9 out of 10 guys.. so next time you’re around 10 guys, be sure to only shake hands with that 1 guy. :)

There you have it. My opinions and observations on the matter at hand (no pun.. ok, a little pun intended). Keep in mind that porn, like just about anything else, can cause individuals with addictive personalities to become addicted to porn. Addictions of any sort are problematic and should be addressed. If you can NOT go without porn for at least a week or you find that you are choosing it over the real thing, then you may have a problem and should seek help. Also, the type of porn I’m discussing is the normal, “off the shelf”-type of porn. While most people view porn as an evil, unclean form of entertainment, it should be noted that items that fall out of the “consensual sex between men and women” would border on possible psychological issues which should be addressed. In other words, if you or your partner get off on seeing things suffer sexually then it would be advisable to seek professional help as severe sexual deviance is usually associated with mental trauma or instability.

  • XenNexus

    At my young age and as a young man,
    I used to partake in pornographic materials.

    I kid you not….
    for some reason I would always..somehow..find porn for free!

    Like a perfectly new porn mag left by the side of a road.
    Or by “luck” in a large briefcase chock-full of dirt mags!

    So I grew older and got married,
    and so would indulge in or share porn with my partner for
    inspiration,ideas or education.

    But deep down inside I felt that porn was wrong,
    now….I do say “felt”.. because..nobody convinced me it was wrong!
    I just started to feel guilty. Deep down in my soul !!

    I began to ask the Lord J.C. to take things away in my life
    that he deemed wrong for “me”….
    “and he did”….I can now say that he has taken away all my desires
    for “any” pornographic material.

    He also inspired me to stop downloading stuff for “free” ;)
    So now I pay for everything! And waste money like the good old days!

    I thank the Lord for the strength to leave the things that I felt where wrong in my heart of hearts.

    Sorry for offending any Agnostics,Darwinist,Atheist,Terrorist,Satanist,Contortionist,
    Gorillas-in-the-Mist and little midget people every ware!

    Signed…..
    Me!

  • krouzer

    i just want to say thank you. i am not that into porn and occassionally after my boyfriend has been on the computer, i see that he has looked at some. this makes me feel inadequate… like, i am not pretty enough for him or that we do not have sex enough (i have NEVER said no to him! and in fact am the one who initiates it half the time). reading this coming from a guy and seeing that it is not because he is unhappy with me makes me feel much better about it. its not all the time you can get a blatant and honest answer from a man on this subject.

    THANK YOU!!!!!

  • http://www.skidvis.com Skid Vis

    You’re very welcome!

  • Facebook User

    Thank you for your post. It is refreshing to get some honesty on the subject.

    Now, here is a woman’s perspective:

    While I am trying to deal with my boyfriend’s desire for porn (I have made a vow to just let it be; no point in making more trouble in our relationship than is worth), I admit that the women in the pics, etc make me feel extremely inadequate in comparison to them.

    And although I have NEVER turned my boyfriend down for sex (I, like Krouzer above says, initiate it most of the time), I can’t help but wonder just WHO it is that he’s having sex with in his head when he do make love, especially if he’s been secretly looking at porn that day.

    What men need to realize is that it really DOES hurt women so much MORE than a woman can express. After all, not only is he HIDING something from her, but the SOLE purpose (whether the guy is horny, bored, etc) of looking at porn is for some sort of sexual FULFILLMENT. And if they are seeking porn RATHER than their woman, they ARE –in a sense– replacing their woman with it.

    Put the shoe on the other foot, guys: if a woman was DELIBERATELY and SECRETLY SEEKING (whether bored, stressed, or horny) porn of gorgeous guys with huge penises, etc, INSTEAD of their man, chances ARE that their man would, too, feel INADEQUATE and replaced.

    Another thing to consider:

    Once a woman finds out that their man has been seeking other women (porn) instead of them, she would feel like he doesn’t want or need her to make love to, and so by feeling betrayed, she will not WANT to make love to her guy.

    Think about it: if you felt cheated or replaced, would you REALLY WANT to make love to your woman?

    Just food for thought, guys.

  • Annie1306

    Thanks for the male point of view on all of this. Although it is still somewhat upsetting, it is refreshing to see some honesty on the subject. But, perhaps if men look at it from a woman’s point of view, they won’t get so upset about why women hate it so much when men look at porn.

    The bottom line is that when men *secretly* look at porn, they *ARE* looking at porn for a VERY specific purpose: to get their rocks off WITHOUT their significant other. It does not matter that it’s “nothing personal”, because that’s exactly what they are doing: getting their rocks off with SOMEONE ELSE, even if it's not in person, etc. There is also no point in arguing this because guys sure as hell are NOT looking at those pictures/videos for any other purpose other than to “get off”.

    So, why do men (who supposedly love their woman) feel the need to “HIDE” what they do? After all, those who have nothing to hide, HIDE NOTHING. The fact that they feel the need to hide it PROVES that they are doing something WRONG; something that can –not only– hurt the woman they love on a VERY personal level, but can also play a significant part in truly RUINING the relationship.

    Now, what's the reason for a man to “need” porn if he has a woman who DOES give him great sex regularly? There ARE women who DO love sex with their guy and hardly ever say no. Hmm… here’s a thought: if your woman says “no” a little TOO often, then chances ARE that it is something YOU’VE done that is the reason she’s rejecting sex with you.

    From a woman's point of view, for a man to secretly look at/masturbate to any form of porn it is a SELFISH act. Especially if he does so ALREADY KNOWING that looking at/masturbating to porn BEHIND HER BACK would hurt her in any way. Most men who have been caught doing so promise to never do so again, only to go right back to it as soon as the opportunity presents itself, and they do so in an even more deceitful way than last time. They easily forget the tears and hurt that they, themselves have caused their woman, because they are too engrossed with the thought of getting off to ANOTHER woman.

    In short: in MEANS SO MUCH to them that they FIGHT FOR IT. And when a woman catches him at it again, it makes her feel that much worse, thus wanting sex with him EVEN LESS. In some cases, it can make her want to leave her guy altogether, feeling that he can and will never truly be faithful to her on all levels that HE HAS PROMISED to be.

    Be TRULY honest with yourselves, guys: WHY would a woman WANT to have sex, or even BE with you when she feels like you prefer porn/other women over her? Think about it: when you go out of your way to be DECEITFUL about looking at and especially *MASTURBATING* to OTHER women, what MESSAGE would that give your woman? Regardless of your argument that it’s “nothing personal”, in the eyes of the women you “love”, it really DOES look an awful lot like you don't love or desire her. Otherwise, it would be HER that you seek out for this “release”, rather than those “visuals”.

    And if you've lied about promising to NOT looking at it any more, you are sending her the message that you DO NOT CARE about her enough to keep a promise that is so DEEPLY personal between you two.

    So….. if men “need” those “visuals” that badly, then WHY commit themselves to ONE woman at all? Why not just have the freedom to mentally (or personally) screw anyone they want? If you’re going to commit yourselves to a woman you “love”, then do so with ALL that you are. After all, you would want the SAME level of faithfulness from HER, wouldn’t you?

  • Annie1306

    Thanks for the male point of view on all of this. Although it is still somewhat upsetting, it is refreshing to see some honesty on the subject. But, perhaps if men look at it from a woman’s point of view, they won’t get so upset about why women hate it so much when men look at porn.

    The bottom line is that when men *secretly* look at porn, they *ARE* looking at porn for a VERY specific purpose: to get their rocks off WITHOUT their significant other. It does not matter that it’s “nothing personal”, because that’s exactly what they are doing: getting their rocks off with SOMEONE ELSE, even if it's not in person, etc. There is also no point in arguing this because guys sure as hell are NOT looking at those pictures/videos for any other purpose other than to “get off”.

    So, why do men (who supposedly love their woman) feel the need to “HIDE” what they do? After all, those who have nothing to hide, HIDE NOTHING. The fact that they feel the need to hide it PROVES that they are doing something WRONG; something that can –not only– hurt the woman they love on a VERY personal level, but can also play a significant part in truly RUINING the relationship.

    Now, what's the reason for a man to “need” porn if he has a woman who DOES give him great sex regularly? There ARE women who DO love sex with their guy and hardly ever say no. Hmm… here’s a thought: if your woman says “no” a little TOO often, then chances ARE that it is something YOU’VE done that is the reason she’s rejecting sex with you.

    From a woman's point of view, for a man to secretly look at/masturbate to any form of porn it is a SELFISH act. Especially if he does so ALREADY KNOWING that looking at/masturbating to porn BEHIND HER BACK would hurt her in any way. Most men who have been caught doing so promise to never do so again, only to go right back to it as soon as the opportunity presents itself, and they do so in an even more deceitful way than last time. They easily forget the tears and hurt that they, themselves have caused their woman, because they are too engrossed with the thought of getting off to ANOTHER woman.

    In short: in MEANS SO MUCH to them that they FIGHT FOR IT. And when a woman catches him at it again, it makes her feel that much worse, thus wanting sex with him EVEN LESS. In some cases, it can make her want to leave her guy altogether, feeling that he can and will never truly be faithful to her on all levels that HE HAS PROMISED to be.

    Be TRULY honest with yourselves, guys: WHY would a woman WANT to have sex, or even BE with you when she feels like you prefer porn/other women over her? Think about it: when you go out of your way to be DECEITFUL about looking at and especially *MASTURBATING* to OTHER women, what MESSAGE would that give your woman? Regardless of your argument that it’s “nothing personal”, in the eyes of the woman you “love”, it really DOES look an awful lot like you don't love or desire her. Otherwise, it would be HER that you seek out for this “release”, rather than those “visuals”.

    And if you've lied about promising to NOT looking at it any more, you are sending her the message that you DO NOT CARE about her enough to keep a promise that is so DEEPLY personal between you two.

    So….. if men “need” those “visuals” that badly, then WHY commit themselves to ONE woman at all? Why not just have the freedom to mentally (or personally) screw anyone they want? If you’re going to commit yourselves to a woman you “love”, then do so with ALL that you are. After all, you would want the SAME level of faithfulness from HER, wouldn’t you?

  • Annie1306

    Thanks for the male point of view on all of this. Although it is still somewhat upsetting, it is refreshing to see some honesty on the subject. But, perhaps if men look at it from a woman’s point of view, they won’t get so upset about why women hate it so much when men look at porn.

    Men, please have patience as you read all of this.

    In a nutshell, the bottom line is that when men *secretly* look at porn, they *ARE* looking at porn for a VERY specific purpose: to get their rocks off WITHOUT their significant other. It does not matter that it’s “nothing personal”, because that’s exactly what they are doing: getting their rocks off with SOMEONE ELSE, etc.

    So, why do men (who supposedly love their woman) feel the need to “HIDE” what they do? After all, those who have nothing to hide, HIDE NOTHING. The fact that they feel the need to hide it PROVES that they are doing something WRONG; something that can –not only– hurt the woman they love on a VERY personal level, but can also play a significant part in truly RUINING the relationship.

    Now, what's the reason for a man to “need” porn if he has a woman who DOES give him great sex regularly? There ARE women who DO love sex with their guy and hardly ever say no. If your woman does says “no” a little TOO often, then chances ARE that it is something YOU’VE done that is the reason she’s rejecting sex with you. Unlike men, women view sex as something EMOTIONAL as well as physical. It takes quite a bit more for us to WANT to have sex than for men. So, if she's upset enough about something you've done, you can hardly expect her to forget it and hop in the sack.

    And contrary to popular belief, NOT all women use sex as a manipulative means to get something in return, or as a weapon of any kind. That sort of behavior is usually done by a woman who is either REALLY pissed off at you, or is generally just NOT a good or loving woman. As for those of us who are truly HAPPY with our guy, we GENUINELY enjoy sex regularly, and are oftentimes the INITIATOR of sex with our guy.

    If you truly feel that you have done nothing to deserve her sexual rejections, then you two NEED to talk it out. When two people TRULY DO love each other, then (other than medical reasons) there should be NO REASON for you to NOT have an active and regular sex life together. Either way, the lack of a sex life with your woman is NO EXCUSE for you to seek “release” with other women behind her back.

    Moving right along, from a woman's point of view, for a man to secretly look at/masturbate to any form of porn it is a SELFISH act. Especially if he does so ALREADY KNOWING that it would HURT her in ANY way. Most men who have been caught doing so promise to never do so again, only to go right back to it as soon as the opportunity presents itself, and they do so in an even more deceitful way than last time.

    And as they continue to “enjoy” the sexual thrills of other women, whatever conscience they MIGHT have easily and immediately forgets the tears and HURT that they, THEMSELVES have caused their woman. They forget the VERY REAL DAMAGE to their woman's self esteem, because they are too selfishly engrossed with the thought of getting off to OTHER women.

    In short: in MEANS SO MUCH to them that they FIGHT FOR that porn DESPITE the fight(s) they've had before. And when a woman catches him at it yet AGAIN, it makes her feel THAT MUCH WORSE: less loved, less desired, and her feelings on the subject and act COMPLETELY DISREGARDED. In some cases, it can make her want to leave her guy altogether, feeling that he can and will never truly be faithful to her on all levels that he has PROMISED to be.

    Be truly HONEST with yourselves, guys:
    WHY would a woman WANT to have sex, or even BE with you when she feels like you prefer porn/other women over her? When you go out of your way to be DECEITFUL about looking at and especially *MASTURBATING* to OTHER women, what MESSAGE would that give your woman?

    Regardless of your hollow (yes, HOLLOW) argument that it’s “nothing personal”, in the eyes of the woman you “love”, it really DOES look an awful lot like you don't love or desire her. Otherwise, it would be YOUR WOMAN that you seek out for this “release”, rather than those “visuals”; it would be your woman that you would masturbate to if she wasn't able to have sex with you at that time of “need”.

    And if you've lied about promising to NOT looking at it any more, you are sending her the message that you DO NOT CARE about her enough to keep a promise that is so DEEPLY personal between you two.

    So….. if men “need” those “visuals” that badly, then WHY commit themselves to ONE woman at all? Why not just have the freedom to mentally (or personally) screw anyone they want? If you’re going to commit yourselves to a woman you “love”, then do so with ALL that you are. After all, you would want the SAME level of faithfulness from HER, wouldn’t you?

  • ginger1971

    Kudos to your Post Annie, 100% agreed!

  • http://www.skidvis.com Skid Vis

    Well, Annie
    Thanks for the response. You're a damn fine writer, but alas, like most women, you completely skipped right past the science of the article and turned into yet another him vs. her argument.

    Asking a man to take porn personally is akin to asking a women not to. It's just not gonna happen.

    And yes, men hide it.. not because they feel it's a horrible betrayal to the women they love, but just because they don't feel like listening to another 1,000 word lecture.

    It is science, it is genetics, it is nature. The woman's emotional brain center is just way bigger than a man's.

    Here's a nice CNN article on the topic, by a woman, even!
    http://goo.gl/Z9Ck

  • Annie1306

    I hear ya, Skid. And yes, we ARE wired differently so there truly does seem to be no point in discussing all of the differences about it. I only gave the different, female point of view, just as you gave the male point of view.

    You couldn't have said it better: “Asking a man to take porn personally is akin to asking a women not to. It's just not gonna happen.”

    But, at any rate, hopefully the info in your article and my response will help both sexes to see the subject from both male and female point of view.

    BTW, thank you for the compliment on my ranting…er, writing. :-D

    Also, thanks for the link to the CNN article; I've read this same article before. And while I know that men are quite simply biologically wired to think very differently about sex, it still doesn't make the problem go away for us ladies because of how we, too are wired.

    For me, personally, it all boils down to communication, acceptance, faithfulness and honesty, and then trust. If a couple has healthy communication skills and trust based on loving honesty, then it shouldn't be a problem whether the guy watches it or refrains from it. It's the HIDING that causes the problem itself, because it IS an act of dishonesty on a VERY personal level.

    If only the brains of the sexes weren't wired so damn differently!!!! :-D

  • GeekyFemme

    I am a young woman and I look at porn for nearly the same reasons as men do. It's not personal, it's about the fantasy and not a reality. We shouldn't lie about our porn usage to our significant others, yes; but on the flip side we shouldn't have to feel guilty about masturbating to porn either!

    I admit, I feel inadequate when I mentally compare myself to a female porn star. And I can understand why other people, especially women, get their feelings hurt over their boyfriends watching porn. But then I remember that these people bleach their asshole and wax all the hair and invest the time and money and implants to look like they do. That's part of the fantasy, and if we allow our egos/feelings to get hurt over fantastical comparisons, what does that say about us? That's like comparing yourself to Batman or Robin. They are “real” people with no “super powers” but they still kick ass and look good doing it. Why? Because, they are in a fantasy world, similar to Jenna Jameson but with different gadgets and toys. ;)

    So, I'm saying for ladies like me. Porn is recreational, fantastical, and not there to personally offend my significant other. It's there so I can have an orgasm, escape from reality, and have a little self loving time with a visual aid.

  • saraanne89

    I 97% of the time have sex with my fiance when he wants to. I've never minded if he looked at porn and I've told him that yet he said he doesn't look at porn or masterbate that much. I've told him I don't mind a million times and even asked because I told him it turned me on which I thought it did. I woke up early one morning and before he left for work he had the computer room door shut and something shoved underneath it. I pushed it open and saw him looking at porn. He deleted his internet history and even has a password for his computer that he's told me a million times but its a bunch of numbers and he knows for a face I can't ever remember it and he won't tell me when I have something to write with. I don't mind I didn't think he had anything to hide and he knows it wasn't a big deal to me. Do you have any clue why he would go through all this trouble just to look at porn? Why would he lie to me when I said I didn't mind?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_EHF3MN5ZGYZTBYZ5LN2UZ7FZ34 Claire Johnston

    So how come i say to my man he can look at porn ill watch it with him, and we do some kinky stuff in the bedroom yet he still hides it from me and as soon as i leave the room hes looking at porn then says “sorry ill not do it again”??(ha like we believe that) from a guys point of view, explain? :)

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4Y2QA5F7DEVYGY2AI7SOPYNQ64 Ashley

    I recently caught my boyfriend looking at it on his phone im assuming so he doesnt get viruses, i just still dont understand cuz he tells me all the time how amazing i look and how our sex life is fine. We have sex every day so it couldnt be to get his needs. I just hate the fact he looks at other girls like that. It makes me feel like im not good enough to look at and get excited about! it sucks!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4Y2QA5F7DEVYGY2AI7SOPYNQ64 Ashley

    i totally agree with you! im younge still and im living with my bf and when i looked on his phone i saw it and it hurt me so bad! i didnt even want to look at him!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_HDLIJVDPKFXKHSHZ3ZZCNTXGMM Annie

    Now that some other ladies have commented on here, perhaps men can see why it hurts us so much when you look –and more importantly– LIE about it.

    Men are blatantly contradicting themselves when they say they don’t need it/would never lie about it/would rather have sex with their woman, etc and yet do exactly the opposite. Your (men) ACTIONS on the matter show us that you DO prefer the porn and are willing to continue lying about it.

    LOL… and then men have the nerve to wonder why women get so upset? Hellooooo???

  • Anonymous

    I know a married guy who not only frequents porn sites but archives porn images on the computer.  I think he has about 5000+ photos of explicit photos of female body parts stored.  is that sick?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DK7ZTV7RJWTHGYIHXJTGOMFC7I Gregory

    annie your not going to find that Rare Gem unless its a MONK….if your a man or boy in AMERICA…sex is everywhere in commericals about fragrances…in eating a hamburger (hardees)….if you try and search for that man…then you’ll be single for the rest of your life…you’ll never understand just like we’ll never understand you all…Even my gay neighbor has confessed to watching gay porn…i’m sorry annie but thats life….I used to be addicted to looking but i’ve got control on it now…its kinda like when i was younger there was a few girls i didn’t want to get to know i just wanted sex from them and everytime after the fire works…i regreted what I had done…not because they were unattractive but because I only looked at them and thought sex…i appologize for being selfish…and i’m past it… I don’t know where I’m going with this….but I love my girlfriend and want to marry her and at first she was ok with porn but now she’s upset…the funny thing is the last two times I masterbated to porn (many weeks apart) she has walked in on me and it turned into huge fights….this morning she said do you want to do it and i said yeah…then she said well were not going to because you didn’t want to last time….but after the fight she said she only wanted me to beg for it…. I’ll never understand the way she thinks…. but what i can say is that I love her too much to lose her so i don’t wnat to look at porn anymore…but i’m proud because i used to look at porn pretty much everyday…and now i havn’t in a long time except for today when i got busted…she’s at work feeling real insecure….i fucked up….but I couldn’t talk my way out because…we think differently and we’ll never be on the same level unless your gay…or dating a tranny

  • Annie Mossey

    Hmm. I think you just helped me to prove my point: First, you defend men saying (in a nutshell) that it’s just what men do, then you confess that you don’t want to look at porn because you don’t want to further hurt your girlfriend with it.

    As a close guy friend of mine said to me once: “It’s natural for guys to no this, but alas, it doesn’t make it right considering how much DAMAGE they can do to a woman’s self esteem and to a relationship.”

    Since you, Gregory, don’t want to hurt your woman, and are trying to not look at porn anymore, I have a lot of respect for you. Most other guys would selfishly continue to do what HURTS their woman on such a deep, personal level. I also commend you for trying. It shows you really do love her.  :-) 

    Perhaps in time she will see that you truly love her and are committed to her, and she will be more understanding of you, and WANT to have sex with you without worrying about anything, and all will be truly great between you.

    Good luck.  :-)

     

  • Anonymous

    say what you men want… believe what you want… but if the tables were turned your ego would totally be smashed if women needed porn like men think they need it to cope… give me a break..
    like a sports event… so typical.. it seems you are only wanting to justify to us women why you think it is acceptable. to look at a woman to lust over her is the same as having an affair. I hope one day women will value there bodies more and leave men hanging out to dry.. sad for women who  feel they dont have enough respect for themselves to keep in undercover as they say.. moral decay is the worse in all history books.. I really thought I was going to get a real honest opinion on a weaknesses or a disablity or mental issue that men may have.. Its called controlling ones actions.
    We as women are suppose to just accept it.. NOT. I know my comment wont get the top vote but in the world I dont exspect much…oh yes.. and there are more men who are not interested in pleasing there women  because with porn you dont have to worry about anyone else but yourself.. Get it..
    YOurself… narcasistic… dont you think..

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XEUAIPZLGGYZEGNVQQDC2W2FAM Maika K

    I have found out recently that my husband is looking at porn.  I was very hurt and I am ready to leave.  It is funny how a man can defend his actions so vehemtly without the consideration of how it will and does effect marriage and relationship.  I know pornography is wrong , it places a view upon women soley as a sexual tool used for mens gratification.  Can you men not realize that sexuality has been so desentized that you have been able to use your own sexual urges as an excuse to violate your wives, and girlfriends emotionally. You breach  the trust that needs to be present in a healthy relationship.  Then you use that same sad ass excuse that everyone does it and that men are just wired that way.  BULLSHIT!!!!   It is a selfish act that destroys the women that love you.  Remember that when you are looking at that crap,  it’s not real,  it is all a lie and those women are people too,  who without the make up , lighting and fake boobs are everyday people who are probably in that postion because  they are hurting and lost.  And maybe some selfish jackass used them , or molested them all because they wanted sexual gratification just like you!!!!!!!  

  • Anonymous

    I literally want to punch the MAN who wrote this article in the dick, seriously…….did you really just compare watching porn to watching sports….WTF !?!?!?!?!
    It is NOT normal, do I know my hubby spanks it, yes, Im 100% ok with this(in moderation, which he does), do we have great sex, yes….but when men just look at ump-teen sites just to “look” at them with no intention of getting off, I DO have a problem with that….its weird and very much OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR, which is never good!!!
    AND, to say we(women) either accept it or “embrace” it ??????  Have you lost your fu**ing mind dude……the next time you have sex with a “woman” (I put that in quotes because any “female” that had sex with YOU is not a woman, she is just crazy)
    How about she staples a cut out of a much sexier and hotter man to your face….how would that feel (both literally AND emotionally)
    ps….Your a douchebag :)

  • Anonymous

    I have dealt with this type of pornography for over 35yrs.  I have a good husband but his need to see this stuff on his cell phone hurts me to the core.  Everything always gets turned around in the discussion of it, and I end up allowing myself to feel at fault.  I give him what he wants, and yes for the most part I have learned men are all about their needs.  I have had great sex with him, but I could not begin to count how many times I have had sex with him and never been kissed.  I do feel poronography is cheating.  At that moment and at that time they are looking at it, they are enjoying what they see.  I can not compete with any of them.  And never will.  I work hard, 2 jobs, we raised children together who have long since grown and gone and now since we are older this area has made my end less satisfying.    Ok…I say were older I understand, then I look at his phone and see what he likes to see and my heart is crushed.  No one can tell me he does not prefer what he sees to what he sees in his wife.  Are we just a “live” form of release?  It hurts to the core. 

    What ever happened in this world to make the simple statement of “What is right is right and what is wrong is wrong?” 

    Do I ever think this will change, probably not.  He has said to me, you will probably go to your grave never realizing just how much I love you.  Sad to say, but he is probably right.

  • Anonymous

    I have dealt with this type of pornography for over 35yrs. I have a good husband but his need to see this stuff on his cell phone hurts me to the core. Everything always gets turned around in the discussion of it, and I end up allowing myself to feel at fault. I give him what he wants, and yes for the most part I have learned men are all about their needs. I have had great sex with him, but I could not begin to count how many times I have had sex with him and never been kissed. I do feel poronography is cheating. At that moment and at that time they are looking at it, they are enjoying what they see. I can not compete with any of them. And never will. I work hard, 2 jobs, we raised children together who have long since grown and gone and now since we are older this area has made my end less satisfying. Ok…I say were older I understand, then I look at his phone and see what he likes to see and my heart is crushed. No one can tell me he does not prefer what he sees to what he sees in his wife. Are we just a “live” form of release? It hurts to the core.

    What ever happened in this world to make the simple statement of “What is right is right and what is wrong is wrong?”

    Do I ever think this will change, probably not. He has said to me, you will probably go to your grave never realizing just how much I love you. Sad to say, but he is probably right.

  • Anonymous

    What alot of people don’t realize there are a lot of human trafficing going on.  And if they do know that they are pretending its not real.  Well it is real.  Alot of boys and girls are made to produce these images by their captures.  And someone at my age thinks…dang…my husband is enjoying pictures of women his daughters age.  Now to me that is SICK…real close to pedifile when it comes to looking a women either of age or not of age.  Who is to know?  The men enjoy it…..that’s the bottom line.  And if they think it does not effect their marriage, they are WRONG.  What woman out there want is to feel she is the ONLY ONE her husband wants to see.  It hurts, it really hurts.

  • StevoM

    In my case, being a 39 year old heterosexual male who has never had a female partner, and who cannot find one is hard and demoralizing. I consciously know that I shouldn’t look porn and that by doing so makes me unworthy of a relationship, but at times the loneliness is too much to bare. Besides, it’s my way of distracting myself from these feelings at least for a little while. Can I break the cycle, or will the cycle break me?; I don’t know, only time will tell.