I admit, I feel inadequate when I mentally compare myself to a female porn star. And I can understand why other people, especially women, get their feelings hurt over their boyfriends watching porn. But then I remember that these people bleach their asshole and wax all the hair and invest the time and money and implants to look like they do. That's part of the fantasy, and if we allow our egos/feelings to get hurt over fantastical comparisons, what does that say about us? That's like comparing yourself to Batman or Robin. They are “real” people with no “super powers” but they still kick ass and look good doing it. Why? Because, they are in a fantasy world, similar to Jenna Jameson but with different gadgets and toys.

So, I'm saying for ladies like me. Porn is recreational, fantastical, and not there to personally offend my significant other. It's there so I can have an orgasm, escape from reality, and have a little self loving time with a visual aid.

You couldn't have said it better: “Asking a man to take porn personally is akin to asking a women not to. It's just not gonna happen.”

But, at any rate, hopefully the info in your article and my response will help both sexes to see the subject from both male and female point of view.

BTW, thank you for the compliment on my ranting…er, writing.

Also, thanks for the link to the CNN article; I've read this same article before. And while I know that men are quite simply biologically wired to think very differently about sex, it still doesn't make the problem go away for us ladies because of how we, too are wired.

For me, personally, it all boils down to communication, acceptance, faithfulness and honesty, and then trust. If a couple has healthy communication skills and trust based on loving honesty, then it shouldn't be a problem whether the guy watches it or refrains from it. It's the HIDING that causes the problem itself, because it IS an act of dishonesty on a VERY personal level.

If only the brains of the sexes weren't wired so damn differently!!!!

Asking a man to take porn personally is akin to asking a women not to. It's just not gonna happen.

And yes, men hide it.. not because they feel it's a horrible betrayal to the women they love, but just because they don't feel like listening to another 1,000 word lecture.

It is science, it is genetics, it is nature. The woman's emotional brain center is just way bigger than a man's.

Here's a nice CNN article on the topic, by a woman, even!
http://goo.gl/Z9Ck

Men, please have patience as you read all of this.

In a nutshell, the bottom line is that when men *secretly* look at porn, they *ARE* looking at porn for a VERY specific purpose: to get their rocks off WITHOUT their significant other. It does not matter that it’s “nothing personal”, because that’s exactly what they are doing: getting their rocks off with SOMEONE ELSE, etc.

So, why do men (who supposedly love their woman) feel the need to “HIDE” what they do? After all, those who have nothing to hide, HIDE NOTHING. The fact that they feel the need to hide it PROVES that they are doing something WRONG; something that can –not only– hurt the woman they love on a VERY personal level, but can also play a significant part in truly RUINING the relationship.

Now, what's the reason for a man to “need” porn if he has a woman who DOES give him great sex regularly? There ARE women who DO love sex with their guy and hardly ever say no. If your woman does says “no” a little TOO often, then chances ARE that it is something YOU’VE done that is the reason she’s rejecting sex with you. Unlike men, women view sex as something EMOTIONAL as well as physical. It takes quite a bit more for us to WANT to have sex than for men. So, if she's upset enough about something you've done, you can hardly expect her to forget it and hop in the sack.

And contrary to popular belief, NOT all women use sex as a manipulative means to get something in return, or as a weapon of any kind. That sort of behavior is usually done by a woman who is either REALLY pissed off at you, or is generally just NOT a good or loving woman. As for those of us who are truly HAPPY with our guy, we GENUINELY enjoy sex regularly, and are oftentimes the INITIATOR of sex with our guy.

If you truly feel that you have done nothing to deserve her sexual rejections, then you two NEED to talk it out. When two people TRULY DO love each other, then (other than medical reasons) there should be NO REASON for you to NOT have an active and regular sex life together. Either way, the lack of a sex life with your woman is NO EXCUSE for you to seek “release” with other women behind her back.

Moving right along, from a woman's point of view, for a man to secretly look at/masturbate to any form of porn it is a SELFISH act. Especially if he does so ALREADY KNOWING that it would HURT her in ANY way. Most men who have been caught doing so promise to never do so again, only to go right back to it as soon as the opportunity presents itself, and they do so in an even more deceitful way than last time.

And as they continue to “enjoy” the sexual thrills of other women, whatever conscience they MIGHT have easily and immediately forgets the tears and HURT that they, THEMSELVES have caused their woman. They forget the VERY REAL DAMAGE to their woman's self esteem, because they are too selfishly engrossed with the thought of getting off to OTHER women.

In short: in MEANS SO MUCH to them that they FIGHT FOR that porn DESPITE the fight(s) they've had before. And when a woman catches him at it yet AGAIN, it makes her feel THAT MUCH WORSE: less loved, less desired, and her feelings on the subject and act COMPLETELY DISREGARDED. In some cases, it can make her want to leave her guy altogether, feeling that he can and will never truly be faithful to her on all levels that he has PROMISED to be.

Be truly HONEST with yourselves, guys:
WHY would a woman WANT to have sex, or even BE with you when she feels like you prefer porn/other women over her? When you go out of your way to be DECEITFUL about looking at and especially *MASTURBATING* to OTHER women, what MESSAGE would that give your woman?

Regardless of your hollow (yes, HOLLOW) argument that it’s “nothing personal”, in the eyes of the woman you “love”, it really DOES look an awful lot like you don't love or desire her. Otherwise, it would be YOUR WOMAN that you seek out for this “release”, rather than those “visuals”; it would be your woman that you would masturbate to if she wasn't able to have sex with you at that time of “need”.

And if you've lied about promising to NOT looking at it any more, you are sending her the message that you DO NOT CARE about her enough to keep a promise that is so DEEPLY personal between you two.

So….. if men “need” those “visuals” that badly, then WHY commit themselves to ONE woman at all? Why not just have the freedom to mentally (or personally) screw anyone they want? If you’re going to commit yourselves to a woman you “love”, then do so with ALL that you are. After all, you would want the SAME level of faithfulness from HER, wouldn’t you?

The bottom line is that when men *secretly* look at porn, they *ARE* looking at porn for a VERY specific purpose: to get their rocks off WITHOUT their significant other. It does not matter that it’s “nothing personal”, because that’s exactly what they are doing: getting their rocks off with SOMEONE ELSE, even if it's not in person, etc. There is also no point in arguing this because guys sure as hell are NOT looking at those pictures/videos for any other purpose other than to “get off”.

So, why do men (who supposedly love their woman) feel the need to “HIDE” what they do? After all, those who have nothing to hide, HIDE NOTHING. The fact that they feel the need to hide it PROVES that they are doing something WRONG; something that can –not only– hurt the woman they love on a VERY personal level, but can also play a significant part in truly RUINING the relationship.

Now, what's the reason for a man to “need” porn if he has a woman who DOES give him great sex regularly? There ARE women who DO love sex with their guy and hardly ever say no. Hmm… here’s a thought: if your woman says “no” a little TOO often, then chances ARE that it is something YOU’VE done that is the reason she’s rejecting sex with you.

From a woman's point of view, for a man to secretly look at/masturbate to any form of porn it is a SELFISH act. Especially if he does so ALREADY KNOWING that looking at/masturbating to porn BEHIND HER BACK would hurt her in any way. Most men who have been caught doing so promise to never do so again, only to go right back to it as soon as the opportunity presents itself, and they do so in an even more deceitful way than last time. They easily forget the tears and hurt that they, themselves have caused their woman, because they are too engrossed with the thought of getting off to ANOTHER woman.

In short: in MEANS SO MUCH to them that they FIGHT FOR IT. And when a woman catches him at it again, it makes her feel that much worse, thus wanting sex with him EVEN LESS. In some cases, it can make her want to leave her guy altogether, feeling that he can and will never truly be faithful to her on all levels that HE HAS PROMISED to be.

Be TRULY honest with yourselves, guys: WHY would a woman WANT to have sex, or even BE with you when she feels like you prefer porn/other women over her? Think about it: when you go out of your way to be DECEITFUL about looking at and especially *MASTURBATING* to OTHER women, what MESSAGE would that give your woman? Regardless of your argument that it’s “nothing personal”, in the eyes of the woman you “love”, it really DOES look an awful lot like you don't love or desire her. Otherwise, it would be HER that you seek out for this “release”, rather than those “visuals”.

And if you've lied about promising to NOT looking at it any more, you are sending her the message that you DO NOT CARE about her enough to keep a promise that is so DEEPLY personal between you two.

So….. if men “need” those “visuals” that badly, then WHY commit themselves to ONE woman at all? Why not just have the freedom to mentally (or personally) screw anyone they want? If you’re going to commit yourselves to a woman you “love”, then do so with ALL that you are. After all, you would want the SAME level of faithfulness from HER, wouldn’t you?

The bottom line is that when men *secretly* look at porn, they *ARE* looking at porn for a VERY specific purpose: to get their rocks off WITHOUT their significant other. It does not matter that it’s “nothing personal”, because that’s exactly what they are doing: getting their rocks off with SOMEONE ELSE, even if it's not in person, etc. There is also no point in arguing this because guys sure as hell are NOT looking at those pictures/videos for any other purpose other than to “get off”.

So, why do men (who supposedly love their woman) feel the need to “HIDE” what they do? After all, those who have nothing to hide, HIDE NOTHING. The fact that they feel the need to hide it PROVES that they are doing something WRONG; something that can –not only– hurt the woman they love on a VERY personal level, but can also play a significant part in truly RUINING the relationship.

Now, what's the reason for a man to “need” porn if he has a woman who DOES give him great sex regularly? There ARE women who DO love sex with their guy and hardly ever say no. Hmm… here’s a thought: if your woman says “no” a little TOO often, then chances ARE that it is something YOU’VE done that is the reason she’s rejecting sex with you.

From a woman's point of view, for a man to secretly look at/masturbate to any form of porn it is a SELFISH act. Especially if he does so ALREADY KNOWING that looking at/masturbating to porn BEHIND HER BACK would hurt her in any way. Most men who have been caught doing so promise to never do so again, only to go right back to it as soon as the opportunity presents itself, and they do so in an even more deceitful way than last time. They easily forget the tears and hurt that they, themselves have caused their woman, because they are too engrossed with the thought of getting off to ANOTHER woman.

In short: in MEANS SO MUCH to them that they FIGHT FOR IT. And when a woman catches him at it again, it makes her feel that much worse, thus wanting sex with him EVEN LESS. In some cases, it can make her want to leave her guy altogether, feeling that he can and will never truly be faithful to her on all levels that HE HAS PROMISED to be.

Be TRULY honest with yourselves, guys: WHY would a woman WANT to have sex, or even BE with you when she feels like you prefer porn/other women over her? Think about it: when you go out of your way to be DECEITFUL about looking at and especially *MASTURBATING* to OTHER women, what MESSAGE would that give your woman? Regardless of your argument that it’s “nothing personal”, in the eyes of the women you “love”, it really DOES look an awful lot like you don't love or desire her. Otherwise, it would be HER that you seek out for this “release”, rather than those “visuals”.

And if you've lied about promising to NOT looking at it any more, you are sending her the message that you DO NOT CARE about her enough to keep a promise that is so DEEPLY personal between you two.

So….. if men “need” those “visuals” that badly, then WHY commit themselves to ONE woman at all? Why not just have the freedom to mentally (or personally) screw anyone they want? If you’re going to commit yourselves to a woman you “love”, then do so with ALL that you are. After all, you would want the SAME level of faithfulness from HER, wouldn’t you?

Now, here is a woman’s perspective:

While I am trying to deal with my boyfriend’s desire for porn (I have made a vow to just let it be; no point in making more trouble in our relationship than is worth), I admit that the women in the pics, etc make me feel extremely inadequate in comparison to them.

And although I have NEVER turned my boyfriend down for sex (I, like Krouzer above says, initiate it most of the time), I can’t help but wonder just WHO it is that he’s having sex with in his head when he do make love, especially if he’s been secretly looking at porn that day.

What men need to realize is that it really DOES hurt women so much MORE than a woman can express. After all, not only is he HIDING something from her, but the SOLE purpose (whether the guy is horny, bored, etc) of looking at porn is for some sort of sexual FULFILLMENT. And if they are seeking porn RATHER than their woman, they ARE –in a sense– replacing their woman with it.

Put the shoe on the other foot, guys: if a woman was DELIBERATELY and SECRETLY SEEKING (whether bored, stressed, or horny) porn of gorgeous guys with huge penises, etc, INSTEAD of their man, chances ARE that their man would, too, feel INADEQUATE and replaced.

Another thing to consider:

Once a woman finds out that their man has been seeking other women (porn) instead of them, she would feel like he doesn’t want or need her to make love to, and so by feeling betrayed, she will not WANT to make love to her guy.

Think about it: if you felt cheated or replaced, would you REALLY WANT to make love to your woman?

Just food for thought, guys.