Remember 2008? I sure as hell do. I lost a lot of things back then.. my friends, my opportunities, my hopes, my dreams, my Love, and maybe even my mind. I’m pretty sure I made more bad decisions in 2008 than I have in my whole life. It was the perfect storm of bad decisions.. each bad decision weighed my soul down and caused me to make yet another, which weighed me down even more, until eventually.. I couldn’t see light.
A year ago, I was Scrooge. When the Holidays showed up, I couldn’t have cared less about spreading cheer.. *I* needed cheer, screw anyone else! So I gathered up my pennies and bought myself suttim reeeal nice for Christmas. Good thing, too.. because that’s all there was. It all but seemed as if everyone in the world had forgotten about me. My choice to buy myself a gift ended up seeming like the right choice after all.. I mean, if I didn’t think of myself on Christmas, then I would have ended up with nothing, right?
Several months into 2009, the gift I gave myself broke. The broken gift, a reminder that you reap what you sow. My life was still a mess, but I’d started to realize that I was mostly to blame for it. Putting myself above others never yields long-lasting results. I may feel better today, but when tomorrow comes I’ll be alone and bitter yet again, surrounded by the relationships I cultivated.. or failed to.
This year, I’ve learned many lessons..
The worst that can happen, really isn’t that bad and that the chances of it actually happening is pretty damned slim, so why waste the energy worrying about it? Why let opportunities and experiences pass you by just because fears are gripping you? When I actually stopped to think about it, most of the good in my life came from overcoming my fear, but most of my pain came from hiding.
I did not get here alone. Yes, I’ve endured and overcome many tragic events over the years, but I’ve not been alone for it all. Over the years I’ve manage to distance myself from those that gave me strength. I instead surrounded myself with a new crowd, one I valued more, but one which it seemed did not value me. I am now on the path to rebuilding the bridges I so easily burned.
Let it go, already! In my head, certain people have had a great role in molding the great mess which I am today. For years I’ve held the anger, blaming them for my suffering.. but that’s an act that yields no positive result. I’m well on the way to adopting a new strategy, one that involves me discussing my perceptions of actions and events that I held anger for. Sure, sometimes the other person will refute their involvement, or my perception of the events.. and nothing can really be done about that, but there is a relief of knowing that the discussions are not pointlessly going on in my head anymore.
Respect the effort made by someone to engage you.. listen and respond.As a suffering introvert, I’m aware of how hard it is to reach out.. much worse yet when you DO reach out, only to be brushed off like a pesky gnat. You must give respect to get it back, but you must also give respect and NOT expect it back.
Stop keeping score. One of the hardest things I’ve had to grasp, is that nobody is keeping score. There’s no list of how many times I’ve helped Jimmy or Mike, I am not owed anything by them. It’s hard for me because I feel such a debt of gratitude whenever someone displays kindness, consideration, or generosity towards me. I assume everyone feels the same, and then I’m completely shocked by the triviality of my gestures in return. The only way to avoid my sadness is to accept the truth.. I am owed nothing by anyone, but I indeed owe everything to all.
I am blessed. I am being watched, I am being judged, and there is a bonus or a penalty for every action I take. Be it God, Karma, little elves, or my own self-worth, I need to propagate the blessings that I’m bestowed. I’m no saint, sometimes I’m more convinced I play for the other side.. but I strive to keep the good in my life outnumbering the bad.
Life’s not fair. No matter what I do, nothing is promised other than death. I could rescue 100 children and kittens from a burning daycare/kitten factory and I could still end up shot by a mugger ten minutes later. That’s just the nature of the way things work.
2009 has been one heck of a year. I’d say it’s been fun, but then I’d be lying. The truth is I walk around with a heavy heart, constantly wishing I could turn back time. I see the many forks in the road and I can’t help but wonder what things would have been like had I turned the other way. I feel like I’ve been harshly judged for my mistakes, but I can only blame myself for making them. Luckily, I’m a dreamer, I still have hopes for a wonderful life. I endured much, and I didn’t get here by quitting, I got here by fighting.
There is no victory without the battle, so bring it on 2010!
Hello, My name is Skid Vis, and I’m a giver. If you know of the Five Languages of Love (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch), and you know me well enough, you’d agree that I fire off on just about all of them. I’ll admit, I’m weakest on Acts of Service, but I do make an effort. Receiving Gifts, or more appropriately, Gifting, as I’m not really a fan of RECEIVING gifts, is one of my strongest languages. Odds are, if I’ve ever cared at all for you.. you’ve received a gift from me. The cost may vary.. it may just have been the bill at a restaurant, or it may have been some costly luxury item, but it had infinite value to me.
On multiple occasions, my gifts have not been well-received. It’s not uncommon for people to dig deep and try to come up with some devious intent for the gift. In a previous post, I mentioned how sad I became when I was told that there’s no such thing as altruism. I’ve since, with the support of Jack Deus, learned to accept that truth. Yes, there is indeed a motive behind my gifts.. to bring joy. It’s true, I gain the most happiness from bringing happiness into a person’s life.. call me selfish.
We live in a world that doesn’t play fair. People we love die, People we love don’t love us back, our pets die, we lose friends, we lose jobs, we lose homes.. we lose feeling. While some of us see these events as challenges or tests that will make us stronger or assure us a better place in the end, others among us will start to see living life as a futile endeavor. We’ll feel like the chips are stacked against us, we’ll feel alone, we’ll feel forgotten. Yes, I’ll be selfish. I will give of myself, be it time or money, in order to know that I may have contributed to not letting someone suffer alone. I know there are many days where I feel that everything is pointless, but I know how easily that feeling goes away by receiving something as simple as a text message.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been giving. If I am your friend, and you have a need, I believe it is my duty to help you however I can. That’s what I learned in the Bible, so fault me as you wish but I’m going to keep giving to those I care about.. cuz I’m a selfish bastard.
Windows 7 is great! I’ve been playing around with the beta at work for a while and I’m pretty impressed. So impressed that I actually BOUGHT the FAMILY PACK! That’s right, I bought 3 copies of Windows 7! That’s gotta tell you something! It installed flawlessly on my MacBook Pro, my Mac Mini, and my trust custom PC. I didn’t have to hunt for a single driver.
Uh.. there’s a problem here..
Since I actually own several copies of Windows XP, I bought the Upgrade version of Windows 7. The box says:
“If you are upgrading from Windows XP, you will need to back up your files and settings, perform a clean install and then reinstall your existing files, settings, and programs.”
Not a problem, it’s never a good idea to upgrade over your existing stuff anyway, It’s like building a new house on a rotten foundation, so I ALWAYS do a fresh install. And that’s just what I did, I erased my hard drive (after backing everything up!) and installed a fresh coat of Windows 7. However, when it came time for me to activate, I got a nasty message saying that I didn’t have the right license to do a fresh install.. and I COULD NOT ACTIVATE!
Lucky for me, I have a good friend named Google that told me how to bypass this little GLITCH! Here are the steps you need to take if you run into the same issue.
Once you have reached the desktop, click Start, type: CMD
Right-click CMD, click ‘Run as administrator’
At the command prompt, type, regedit
Go to HKLM/Software/Microsoft/Windows/CurrentVersion/Setup/OOBE/mediabootinstall
Changed its value from 1 to 0
Go back to the Command Prompt, type the following: slmgr /rearm
Restart the PC and use the activate windows to re-enter your product key
And that should do it! It’s a silly thing, but Microsoft can’t get everything right.
I’d like to thank Andre Da Costa for posting that tip on a forum somewhere.
Dragonflies are born in water, and they spend the majority of their lives in that water. They remain in their larval stage, a nymph, for up to five years. They swim, and eat, and enjoy themselves in the relative comfort and serenity of their aquatic homes. Occasionally glancing at the surface of the water, at the big, scary world outside.
The world on the other side is quite terrifying indeed. Once nymphs decide they’re ready to sprout wings, it’s a constant battle for survival. To power their wings and maintain their amazing aerial dexterity, the dragonfly requires not just heat, but must also feed often to recover the calories expended. As if having an insatiable appetite isn’t bad enough, the dragonfly is not anywhere near the top of the food chain. Plenty of birds are keeping a vigilant eye out for our feisty, four-winged friend. But wait, there’s more! Male Dragonflies all believe themselves king, and as such will have a fight to the death with any other male dragonfly in his territory. They must eat, they must not be eaten, they must not get killed by some young punk, fresh out the pond, AND they must find a mate. It’s no wonder some nymphs decide to chill in the pond for five years, they know they won’t last more than six months as an adult!
The good life..
When we’re young, we’re allowed the good fortune to be idiots. We’ll forget many of our mistakes, and we’ll not give a second thought to those we’ve scarred. We’ll play the same games, we’ll keep telling ourselves that there’s plenty of time ahead. Then one day, out of the blue, we’ll look around us and realize we should have made that left turn at Albuquerque. If we’re lucky, we’ll still have time to fix things. If we’re blessed, we’ll be forgiven by those we’ve wronged. If we’re strong, we’ll be able to push through the wall of despair. If, however, the chips are stacked against us, we’ll be hated, resisted, impaired, or forgotten. We will find ourselves weak, alone, and dying at a rate paced quicker than we’d like.
It’s all relative..
My youth wasn’t fun, not by any means. I had to fight the current, defy authority, and prove that my way was the better way. I escaped the fate that was sure to kill me. Many took credit for it, and I was quick to correct them. No one helped me.. I stood alone, I fought alone, I succeeded alone. That’s what I would believe for well over a decade. My life now, it’s so far removed from the world from which I came that I find it difficult to even remember the feelings I once swore I’d never forget. Back then, I was not alone. I had my cousins.. Iris and Betsy, we were always close. We relied on each other to be the gauge of sanity as our parents tried to tell us that the sky was black, when we knew it was surely blue. I also had my two best friends.. Vexx and Xentinel. My sword and shield. Vexx was younger than me, perhaps that’s why I felt the need to protect him and educate him. I wanted him to succeed, to win, even with the hand he was dealt. He had talent.. a great artist and a hungry mind.. he kept me grounded. Xentinel, he was older than me, and strong. He was a tree.. With him beside me, I felt invincible. Those two guys kept me real, they kept me moving forward. It was easy to take chances, knowing that they would be there without hesitation. Four individuals that drove me to be a fighter.. but wait, there’s more.
I come from a long line of uneducated individuals. College was never a path presented to me by my parents, even High School wasn’t. Education was a waste of time.. a man is only worth the sweat of his brow, not the thoughts in his head. I was encourage to drop out of school and get a job. School was a waste of time. Peggy Laurencelle, my English teacher.. she went to bat for me, she tried to point out to me that my thought process was greater than I was lead to believe. Mr. Naugle, or “nugget”, as I would call him. He was my Biology teacher. Always amazed by my ability to miss tons of class, hang with the bad kids, spend time in class.. drawing, yet STILL ace my exams. I regret almost giving him a heart attack when I pretend-mugged him outside a movie theater one night. Mr. Vasalo, my art teacher. I had his wife, Mrs. Vasalo, for History the year prior. I was so mean to that woman, I never listened, I mocked her, insulted her, and all-around made her life hell.. but still aced the class. Art, however, was a class I was eager to excel in. Mr. Vasalo was so impressed by my enthusiasm that one night he couldn’t help but brag to his wife about the great student he had. Once she realized it was me, she proceeded to remind him that all the bad evenings he had to deal with the year before, when she arrived home after dealing with her worst student’s shenanigans, were due to ME! Needless to say, I received many slaps from him after that. Those instructors, they put up with my disrespect, my ignorance, my culture.. they saw through the street kid, forced to bare his teeth. The reached for the kid inside that wanted to learn, under his own terms. I owe them the world.
All growed up..
I’m finally an adult, My days in the water are long behind me. Now I have to flap my wings for dear life. The world is against me, and I no longer have the safety of the water. I’m left alone, to fend for myself. I must fight to survive, I must fend off the young guys, always eager to dethrone me, I must stay alert, so this life doesn’t eat me alive, AND I must find a mate. Let’s hope I last more than six months.
..and knowing is half the battle.
I apologize for the massiveness of this post, but it HAS been a while since I’ve written. But hey, now you know more about me, and maybe you’ll be a little nicer to those cute, little dragonflies.
