Currently Browsing: Words of Visdom
Dec 18, 2009
Posted by Skid Vis on Dec 18, 2009 in Words of Visdom | View Comments
Remember 2008? I sure as hell do. I lost a lot of things back then.. my friends, my opportunities, my hopes, my dreams, my Love, and maybe even my mind. I’m pretty sure I made more bad decisions in 2008 than I have in my whole life. It was the perfect storm of bad decisions.. each bad decision weighed my soul down and caused me to make yet another, which weighed me down even more, until eventually.. I couldn’t see light.
A year ago, I was Scrooge. When the Holidays showed up, I couldn’t have cared less about spreading cheer.. *I* needed cheer, screw anyone else! So I gathered up my pennies and bought myself suttim reeeal nice for Christmas. Good thing, too.. because that’s all there was. It all but seemed as if everyone in the world had forgotten about me. My choice to buy myself a gift ended up seeming like the right choice after all.. I mean, if I didn’t think of myself on Christmas, then I would have ended up with nothing, right?
Several months into 2009, the gift I gave myself broke. The broken gift, a reminder that you reap what you sow. My life was still a mess, but I’d started to realize that I was mostly to blame for it. Putting myself above others never yields long-lasting results. I may feel better today, but when tomorrow comes I’ll be alone and bitter yet again, surrounded by the relationships I cultivated.. or failed to.
This year, I’ve learned many lessons..
- The worst that can happen, really isn’t that bad and that the chances of it actually happening is pretty damned slim, so why waste the energy worrying about it? Why let opportunities and experiences pass you by just because fears are gripping you? When I actually stopped to think about it, most of the good in my life came from overcoming my fear, but most of my pain came from hiding.
- I did not get here alone. Yes, I’ve endured and overcome many tragic events over the years, but I’ve not been alone for it all. Over the years I’ve manage to distance myself from those that gave me strength. I instead surrounded myself with a new crowd, one I valued more, but one which it seemed did not value me. I am now on the path to rebuilding the bridges I so easily burned.
- Let it go, already! In my head, certain people have had a great role in molding the great mess which I am today. For years I’ve held the anger, blaming them for my suffering.. but that’s an act that yields no positive result. I’m well on the way to adopting a new strategy, one that involves me discussing my perceptions of actions and events that I held anger for. Sure, sometimes the other person will refute their involvement, or my perception of the events.. and nothing can really be done about that, but there is a relief of knowing that the discussions are not pointlessly going on in my head anymore.
- Respect the effort made by someone to engage you.. listen and respond. As a suffering introvert, I’m aware of how hard it is to reach out.. much worse yet when you DO reach out, only to be brushed off like a pesky gnat. You must give respect to get it back, but you must also give respect and NOT expect it back.
- Stop keeping score. One of the hardest things I’ve had to grasp, is that nobody is keeping score. There’s no list of how many times I’ve helped Jimmy or Mike, I am not owed anything by them. It’s hard for me because I feel such a debt of gratitude whenever someone displays kindness, consideration, or generosity towards me. I assume everyone feels the same, and then I’m completely shocked by the triviality of my gestures in return. The only way to avoid my sadness is to accept the truth.. I am owed nothing by anyone, but I indeed owe everything to all.
- I am blessed. I am being watched, I am being judged, and there is a bonus or a penalty for every action I take. Be it God, Karma, little elves, or my own self-worth, I need to propagate the blessings that I’m bestowed. I’m no saint, sometimes I’m more convinced I play for the other side.. but I strive to keep the good in my life outnumbering the bad.
- Life’s not fair. No matter what I do, nothing is promised other than death. I could rescue 100 children and kittens from a burning daycare/kitten factory and I could still end up shot by a mugger ten minutes later. That’s just the nature of the way things work.
2009 has been one heck of a year. I’d say it’s been fun, but then I’d be lying. The truth is I walk around with a heavy heart, constantly wishing I could turn back time. I see the many forks in the road and I can’t help but wonder what things would have been like had I turned the other way. I feel like I’ve been harshly judged for my mistakes, but I can only blame myself for making them. Luckily, I’m a dreamer, I still have hopes for a wonderful life. I endured much, and I didn’t get here by quitting, I got here by fighting.
There is no victory without the battle, so bring it on 2010!
Happy Holidays to you all.
Dec 4, 2009
Posted by Skid Vis on Dec 4, 2009 in Words of Visdom | View Comments
Hello, My name is Skid Vis, and I’m a giver. If you know of the Five Languages of Love (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch), and you know me well enough, you’d agree that I fire off on just about all of them. I’ll admit, I’m weakest on Acts of Service, but I do make an effort. Receiving Gifts, or more appropriately, Gifting, as I’m not really a fan of RECEIVING gifts, is one of my strongest languages. Odds are, if I’ve ever cared at all for you.. you’ve received a gift from me. The cost may vary.. it may just have been the bill at a restaurant, or it may have been some costly luxury item, but it had infinite value to me.
On multiple occasions, my gifts have not been well-received. It’s not uncommon for people to dig deep and try to come up with some devious intent for the gift. In a previous post, I mentioned how sad I became when I was told that there’s no such thing as altruism. I’ve since, with the support of Jack Deus, learned to accept that truth. Yes, there is indeed a motive behind my gifts.. to bring joy. It’s true, I gain the most happiness from bringing happiness into a person’s life.. call me selfish.
We live in a world that doesn’t play fair. People we love die, People we love don’t love us back, our pets die, we lose friends, we lose jobs, we lose homes.. we lose feeling. While some of us see these events as challenges or tests that will make us stronger or assure us a better place in the end, others among us will start to see living life as a futile endeavor. We’ll feel like the chips are stacked against us, we’ll feel alone, we’ll feel forgotten. Yes, I’ll be selfish. I will give of myself, be it time or money, in order to know that I may have contributed to not letting someone suffer alone. I know there are many days where I feel that everything is pointless, but I know how easily that feeling goes away by receiving something as simple as a text message.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been giving. If I am your friend, and you have a need, I believe it is my duty to help you however I can. That’s what I learned in the Bible, so fault me as you wish but I’m going to keep giving to those I care about.. cuz I’m a selfish bastard.
Jun 15, 2009
Posted by Skid Vis on Jun 15, 2009 in Words of Visdom | View Comments
As yet another weekend flies right past me, I can’t help but realize that there’s less and less distance between Today and my Birthday. I’m not a big fan of birthdays, you see.. if I were in Logan’s Run, I would have met up with the big ceiling fan in the sky by now. I know, I know.. you’re only as young as you think you are, and I feel like a 25-year old, look like a 28-year old, and act like a 10-year old.. so I should be content.
The thing is, although I may Feel, Look, and Act younger.. I’m not. The world does not cater to my delusions. I’m starting to be seen as “the old guy”, I’m fighting a losing battle against my greys, my metabolism is starting to make me think twice about dessert, and that noise on the radio just doesn’t make any dang-blarned sense to me anymore! Phooey!
I can’t stop the hands of time (dammit!), but I suppose the time is approaching for me to stop being like the Grasshopper and start being more like the Ant. Spurred on by articles such as this one, that remind me of how the sand is falling quicker than I’d like, I’m being forced to think about life over the hill.
One would think that someone such as myself would have no problem picking a “Plan B”. After all, I have many talents! (Giggity! Giggity!) I’ve spent my whole life dabbling in this and that. Unfortunately, THAT is the problem! See, a good friend (Hi! Teleshka!) once said to me “You’ve got to do something 60 times for it to become habit.” (This was when I was having issues learning to ride Horses.. my hip hurts just thinking about it.) Meanwhile, The powers that be state that in order to be an expert at something, you must do that one thing for about 10,000 hours. Well, using those two statements as a reference.. I’d say I have a ton of habits, but as far as expertise.. I’m an expert sleeper? Or am I? My recent sleep study revealed that I don’t sleep well, bouncing in and out of REM erratically which is why I’m always sleepy and take ProVigil to keep me on my toes.
So, knowing that I’m an expert at nothing.. what am I to do? What are my passions? Drawing, Writing, Human Sexuality, Computers. I may not be an expert at anyone one of those things, but surely I’m an expert at all of them combined! The obvious solution would be for me to use Computers to Write books on Human Sexuality which include some awesome Drawings from yours truly. Hmm.. that started off as a joke, but now that I see it in writing, it doesn’t seem so far fetched.
Get to the point already!
Oh, you live.. I was worried about you. Anyway.. The point is this: Plan A is great.. but don’t forget to nurture Plan B. you may need it sooner than you think.
Apr 12, 2009
Posted by Skid Vis on Apr 12, 2009 in Words of Visdom | View Comments
When I was a young’n.. you know, last week sometime.. I would frequent church all the time. Not by choice, mind you. My parents were very strict religious people, and going to church was a nearly daily event. An event that I really couldn’t comprehend and certainly didn’t enjoy. Those of you who know me well, know that I have a unique set of beliefs.
As a young teen, I wanted to believe.. not just in God, but in everything.. Bigfoot, The Lochness Monster, The Bermuda Triangle, Aliens.. all of it. I’d spend many days skipping school and digging deep into all kinds of books at the public library. Being forced to attend church services many times a week, made religion a more prominent area of research. I could never understand the point of the service itself.. I mean, people arrive at the church and greet each other, then there’s singing.. ok.. and then someone takes the stand and yells at us for being sinners, then they ask us for money? I found it all very insulting, monotonous, and boring.
Sleeping was forbidden in church, go figure, so I had to find something to occupy my time. What a better thing than to read the Bible? But where to start? Genesis? Sure.. that’s the beginning.. but I pretty much know the story just from the many times I’ve heard it. Revelations? Um.. that’s kinda scary and grim, and probably wouldn’t make much sense without having read what came before it, right? Well.. where do I start?
I’ve always been a “dart-board decider”, When I don’t know what to do, I just jump in and figure it out. My home state of Connecticut has no NFL team, so when it came time for me to pick one to follow, I just turned on the TV, found a game, and adopted the winner (Vikings). That said, when trying to decide on the Bible, I let God tell me why I should even bother. I plopped the big book on it’s back, let the pages fall as the may, and locked my eyes on the first thing I could.
“For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.”, Acts 8:23
That’s what I saw. What came before, and what followed after, were of complete insignificance to me. I was bewildered by the fact that I ended up landing on such a direct and plain answer to the question in my head. I was bitter, I hated being dragged to church kicking and screaming almost every day, and.. well, trapped by sin was the way to roll. You had to be either one of Them, or one of Us, and being one of Us yielded a lot more safety.. ironically.
I don’t know if it started there or not, but that moment sticks out as a reassurance of why I don’t believe in chance. Like the movie, “City of Angels”, I believe that there are forces constantly acting For AND Against us. I’ve been very blessed and fortunate. More often than not, my prayers get answered. So much so, that I fear praying sometimes..
When I was a kid, I loved my Godfather. You see, my family was poor. For me, Birthdays sucked, as did Christmas. There was hardly enough money for food, much less for the luxuries that we always crave. My Godfather, however, he always had money.. he was in the game. Whenever I was allowed to see him, I totally enjoyed it.. it always resulted in some money and a shopping spree. As I aged, I started to understand HOW he got his money.. and that made the gifts not as pleasant to receive. One day, my Godfather was a involved in a pretty bad car accident, the docs said he’d never be able to walk again. At that point, he turned his life around and decided to commit to God. It was pleasant to see the change. My parents, who were always hesitant to let me spend time with my Godfather, now had something in common with him again. It brought us all closer, and it was nice. Slowly but surely, my Godfather’s injuries started to heal, until finally.. he walked. As if he were an inmate that had just been released back into the world, my Godfather left the church, and resumed business as usual.
That memory stands in the front row every time I decide to pray. Am I using my faith as some sort of magic genie? Is this request worthy enough? Selfless enough? Sometimes, when my heart starts to act up, and I’m overcome with the fear of dying, my instinct is to beg for mercy, to ask God not to take me.. but then my Godfather pops in.. I feel calm, and accept that if I have to die, there’s no point in begging for him to change his mind, instead.. I just think of those I love.
It’s been decades since I was that kid, yet Acts 8:23 still holds just as precise. I’m still bitter and I’m still locked in sin, but it’s Easter, a day to remember that there is Hope even when the worst of the worst has happened. Life can be painful, difficult, and disappointing.. but next time you’re feeling that way, take one second to realized that you’re being watched, you’re being held, and you’re being loved.
Peace out.
Nov 12, 2008
Posted by Skid Vis on Nov 12, 2008 in Words of Visdom | View Comments
It only seems right that I should write this as my first post of November, and just weeks before Jim Carrey’s new flick, Yes Man.
So.. wut’s this all about? Paying for sex or something?
No. It’s about the word, that word. You see, I’ve been in several great relationships. Relationships that should have been perfect, but they weren’t. Something was wrong with them, and after much thought and analysis, the problem became so transparent that I can’t help but feel like a moron for not seeing it sooner.
Are we talking about your small penis? I can’t blame you for not seeing it earlier..
No! I’m still talking about ‘No’!
My brain hurts ..but go on.
You see, as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I live in a world of fear. I find myself constantly thinking about things that can go wrong. This fear causes me to put off doing certain things in order to avoid feeling the fear. For instance, do I want to go to a family gathering with my significant other? No.
Why not?
Well, they think highly of me, so when I’m around them I have to walk on pins and needles so that my true personality doesn’t surface and I run the chance of offending someone, or saying/doing something so utterly stupid that I end up losing their respect and admiration.
Geez, that’s paranoid.
Yes indeed, and that’s just ONE situation! There’s plenty more.. wanna go skiing? No.. I might get hurt. Wanna learn to ride a horse? No.. I might look like a dork or get hurt.
I get the point.. you’re a chicken-shit! Move on.
Oh, right. Well.. I also noticed, however, that No’s can come back to bite us in the rear. Every time we utter those tiny, seemingly-insignificant letters, our partner is secretly stashing them in their own No-Vault. You decide to make a request and presto, there’s a ‘No’ fired in your face.. how’s that for ya?
When we’re children, one of the first words we learn is ‘No’. It serves a great purpose, we’re young and ignorant of the dangers all around us, so our loved ones use that to keep us from hurting ourselves or otherwise doing something we shouldn’t. That being, it’s no surprise that we don’t like hearing that word. Our feelings get hurt and, if heard enough, we distance ourselves from the source of that word.
No kidding? So should we just ignore Nancy Reagan and “Just say Yes!”?
um.. no. Something needs to happen, but I’m not recommending the drastic measures taken by Jim Carrey in his flick, but rather a careful, conscious evaluation of the reasons why we’re driven to say ‘No’. Before you fire that word off like it’s your name, stop and pretend you’re on the receiving end of it. We must choose our battles carefully in a relationship, and sometimes braving a situation simply to put a smile on your partner’s face will yield a lot more benefit for the two of you, as opposed to giving them fodder by adding another ‘No’ to the No-Vault.
That’s cool. So from now on you’ll think twice before saying ‘No’?
No. I’ll think thrice.
