Currently Browsing: Words of Visdom
Oct 29, 2008
Posted by Skid Vis on Oct 29, 2008 in Words of Visdom | View Comments
Lately I’ve been fortunate enough to closely observe the Relationship Roles of several individuals, couples, and myself.
What is a Relationship Role?
As individuals, for the most part, we are responsible for our lives. We determine where we work, who our friends are, how we dress, where we eat, etc. We control our own destinies. In a relationship, however, our roles change. We instantly, or gradually, shift into one of three roles. I’ll call these roles: Fire, Earth, and Water.
Wicked! it’s like Captain Planet!
Um.. ok.. sure.
So what role are you?
Well, let me define the roles:
- Fire
- You are the head of the relationship. You make the decisions, You plan, and you guide. You control almost everything. Your partner either fights with you constantly, or hangs his/her head in defeat when you speak.
- Water
- You are the body of the relationship. You move with fluidity to whatever the head demands. You carry out the tasks and will stop at nothing to please the head. You have a handful of select “battles” that you will fight, but for the most part you are happy to trust the decisions of the head.
- Earth
- You are neither leader nor follower.. while at the same time being both leader and follower. You understand that relationship between two individuals require constant work, constant victories, and constant losses. Decisions are not made, they are negotiated and respected.
So you’re Fire, right? Cuz you’re so HOT!
Actually, right now I would probably say that I’m Water-Earth. Yes, it’s possible to be between stages.. we are in a constant state of change, after all. I’ve personally found myself in all three stages while in different relationships.
Fire’s the best, right?
Determining which is “the best” is not an easy task. Some individuals hate making decisions and are extremely content assuming the Water role. It frees them of any responsibilies and worries, they can just fully trust in the Fire in their relationship. That’s all fine and dandy. The problem exists when someone is Water who craves to be Earth but fears upsetting the Fire in their life.
The who and the what now?
I personally know of an individual who has been in a relationship for a really long time. Slowly but surely, this individual migrated from being the Fire to being the Water. Decades later, this person suddenly “woke up” to the realization that the life being lived was not the life desired. The immediate reaction was DIVORCE!
Luckily, after some soul-searching, that decision was retracted.. instead, communication was introduced. As I often advocate, it is essential for people in a relationship to be in constant communication. We should never let ourselves disappear! We may be acting as one while in a relationship, but at the core, we are two individuals. While both partners may not always agree on everything, that’s not the goal. The goal is simply to be aware of the individual needs of yourself as well as your partner, and to work cooperatively to support and manage those needs.
So the perfect relationship is an Earth/Earth?
Sure, In a perfect world. In this world, it’s a huge struggle to achieve that precision of balance. In any relationship, both partners need to give 100% of themselves.. dedication, honesty, consideration, and time. If you want to be single, be single. If you want a partner, BE a partner.
Oct 28, 2008
Posted by Skid Vis on Oct 28, 2008 in Words of Visdom | View Comments
From an IM with my buddy Jack Deus:
Skid Vis: awesome.. I wish someone woulda done it (started a college fund) for us
Jack Deus: why? you turned out fine w/o a college degree
Skid Vis: I shoulda turned out finerest
Why do I get the feeling this post is about college?
Cuz you, my friend.. are a genius. Which, of course, makes ME a genius too!
Which, of course, makes US insane!
True dat. Anyway.. College. Ever since I was a widdle boy, I remember hearing the common mantras: “Knowledge is power”, “Success requires a good education”, and even “Knowing is half the battle”. So, I dedicated myself to learning.. I’d steal schoolbooks from older kids to try and get a head-start on higher education and I’d also skip school and go hang out at the public library.. picking out seemingly random books to expose myself to topics outside of the normal school curriculum. Anything I could do so that I could be smart and end up living a better life than that which my family presented as the only option.. Poor, Dumb, and on Welfare, with the highlight of life being the days when we would get a giant block of Government Cheese.
That WAS good cheese.
Anyway, fast forward 4,369 years and here I am. Most people would consider me a success. I drive a new car, I own a house that’s too big for me, I make more than the average Joe, and people often ask me for advice and tips .. all without a College Degree. I’m not a genius by any means, but I’m the smartest moron I know. For the most part, I’m pretty happy of where I am in life.. but occasionally I wish I would have gone to college when I was young.
What’s the point of going to college?
Well, I can tell you what it’s not! ..Knowledge. See I’ve tried my hand at college.. I’ve tried time and again to get myself one of them fancy pieces of paper to show my smarts off and maybe get an extra $10k per year tacked onto my salary.. but every time I try, I end up dropping out because the instructors are complete and utter morons. I’ve actually had to call the Dean on some because they were ruining the minds of young, defenseless noobs. I even had one stop the final exam to ask ME if the questions were right.. which about 10 weren’t. It’s become cemented in my mind that “Those who can, Do. Those who can’t, Teach.”.
Um.. I severely doubt all teachers are morons.. moron.
So true that is, my friend. Certainly I expect the fine staff at MIT, Harvard, Yale, and the other well-established mind-factories of the world to be nothing but brilliant, and I exclude them from the group in question.
So don’t go to college unless it’s one of those places?
No.. GO TO COLLEGE! Regardless of whether or not it’s a fine mind-molder. See, the whole point of college isn’t what you learn.. it’s who you’ll meet. One thing I’ve learned in my 76,238 years of life is yet another mantra.. It’s not WHAT you know, but WHO you know. Have you ever walked past your boss’s office just to catch him kicked back, picking his nose, and you wonder “how did this loser end up in charge?!”. Well, odds are he knows someone who knows someone and THAT’S HOW! Where’d they meet? COLLEGE!
Seriously.. sometimes I think you have too much time on your hands.
That may very well be, but it doesn’t change the fact that what I’m saying is true. Forced Associations.. Schools, Clubs, User Groups, etc., that’s the key to ultimate success. The more you expose yourself to people (not sexually, even though that works too for some), the more you’ll be networking yourself and putting yourself in the position to pop into someone’s mind when an opening appears that you can fill (again, not sexually).
Oh.. ok.. so this post is about networking.. why didn’t you just say that?
Because, Networking is certainly one of the most important things you can do to get ahead, but college not only provides you with a place to network, it also provides you with an education. You’ll know more stuff, you’ll be able to use big words and confuse the layfolk, and even if you don’t meet anyone that can further your career.. you’ll have a spiffy piece of paper you can brag about, and at least people will assume you’re not a moron right off the bat.
Jul 30, 2008
Posted by Skid Vis on Jul 30, 2008 in Words of Visdom | View Comments
People! I hates people! They walk on ya, and step on ya, walk on ya and step on ya.. people!
Well that’s a pleasant way to start a blog post.
Well, there’s a madness to my method.. listen up. I have a problem.. well, yet ANOTHER problem. People scare me. I’m not sure if it’s because life was rough growing up.. walking past chalk outlines to get to the bus stop, or having neighbors either O.D. or have S.W.A.T. bust into their homes, or having to stare everyone down wondering who was going to harass me for not being in a gang, or maybe being slammed face first into the concrete by some over-zealous cop who thought I was gonna rob a bank at 1am just because I was wearing a ski mask in 20 degree weather. I dunno, ok? I just dunno.
Something, somewhere, gave me this great fear of humanity. It’s rough to live life when the first thing you think about when you enter a place is how to get out, or to have the oddest thought of getting shot whenever I stop at a red light, or just to not trust people. It’s really rough when you don’t believe the world is doomed, when you actually have hope that people can still be decent and intelligent.
Sounds like you’ve lost your marbles.
Well, duh! Of course I’ve lost my marbles.. I mean, I’m having a 2-way blog post with myself! hello?!
oh… good point. Go on.
Thanks.. I just wanna take a few minutes to talk about core values. When I ask myself what mine are, I hope that mine are Kindness, Consideration, and Compassion.
That’s it? The Air Force has like 7.
Yup, that’s it.
Ok, break it down for me.
- Kindness
- is giving gifts to people not because you have to, but because you want to.
- is helping people without expecting anything in return.
- is letting someone know you value them, even if you’re angry at them.
- Consideration
- is letting someone go ahead of you because you respect their time as well as your own.
- is putting the needs of someone else ahead of yours.
- is giving away something you want because someone else needs it.
- Compassion
- is not allowing or enjoying the suffering of any living thing.
- is not saying the mean things you want to say when you’re angry.
- is not doing the things that will feel good to you, if they’ll hurt someone else.
Anything else, oh great one?
I believe in honesty.. mainly because it’s harder to remember lies, but in the end it also helps me sleep better.
You’re some kind of saint.
No, I’m just as flawed as the next guy. But I’ve lived through a lot of pain and suffering. I know quite well that my pain and suffering is a tickle when compared to others who have faced greater adversity, but that doesn’t make it go away.. instead it makes me realize that I need to release the past and help the future.
..and now the money shot.
Right.. We can’t choose the life we’ve been handed. We can’t control the joys and pains that will pass through us while we continue to gather experiences, but one thing we can control is how we’ll be remembered.
First, do no evil.. but if you must do evil, do more good.
Jul 29, 2008
Posted by Skid Vis on Jul 29, 2008 in Words of Visdom | View Comments
Oh god, here we go!
First of all, I do not condone violence.. if you’re addiction is to cats, dogs, or women, do not kick them!
Now.. I’m an addict. There, I said it.. I feel better.
When I was a little baby, instead of milk, my mother fed me coffee in a bottle. Ok, that may not be exactly true… she didn’t use a bottle.
Zzzzz..
Alright, alright! The point I’m trying to make is that I drank a whole lot of coffee. See, my dad, he reeeeally loved coffee. I cannot ever remember a time where I didn’t see him with a cup of coffee within reach. No matter the time of day, there was a pot of coffee brewing. Since coffee was always around, it was the easiest drink for me to have, besides water. I drank coffee from about the time I was 5 years old until I was 25.
ok, I hear ya..
When I was 25, I drank about 12 cups of coffee a day, not little tea cups either, I’m talking big metal mugs. Then, out of a sudden, I noticed my heart wasn’t ticking right. The normal “ba dump, ba dump” turned into a techno song. This terrified me.. cuz, I dunno.. death didn’t sound good at the time.. so off to the doc I went. Asking the normal battery of questions, the topic of caffeine use popped up. The doctor hung his head, in an overly dramatic way, and said “You’re going to die.”
As I regained consciousness, he slapped me on the face repeatedly and said “not literally, stupid!”. Whew! Boy did I feel silly. Apparently too much caffeine isn’t good for a person.. that might explain why my dad died at the young age of 63. Regardless, I stopped drinking coffee right then and there.
I hear that can be rough.
Sure, it can be rough. You get the headaches, the sleepiness, the good breath, the less peeing all the time.. sure, there’s side effects. But in the end, I know my nerves won’t be shot and I have a shot at living a little bit longer.
Well, I’m glad you got over being an addict.
No, I’m still an addict. See, addicts have.. let’s say.. “addictive personalities”. If they’re not addicted to one thing, they’re addicted to something else. After coffee, I turned to tea. Well, I didn’t literally turn into tea, but I started drinking it almost as much as coffee.
Tea’s not that bad for ya.
True.. but still, it can hurt you in ways you don’t expect. See, I’m not just a tea addict.. I’m also pretty damned lazy. Sure I could stock my fridge with milk, tea, and to-go cups… but why bother when there’s a Starbucks near every fire hydrant? This addiction hurt my wallet! A cup of Chai tea costs about 4 bucks… and I was drinking about 3 a day.. that’s 12 bucks a day.. times 6 days a week, that’s 288 bucks a month or worse.. 3456 bucks a frikkin year!!!
Hot damn!
Yea, I know! So.. there’s a habit I had to kick.. one day, I said “No More!” … and that was that.
Ok.. so you say you’re still an addict, what’s your vice now?
You, gorgeous.. you.
…
I dunno really.. there’s plenty of potential candidates.. there’s hanging out with Special K, there’s always porn, there’s World of Warcraft, heck.. maybe it’s blogging? I’m not sure, but whatever it is.. if it’s bad for me, I need to stop.
So what exactly was the point of this post?
What?, I can’t just talk to you about stuff without there being a point?!
Well sure, but there’s usually a point.
Oh.. um, I guess the point is.. we’re all addicted to something. There’s nothing wrong with being an addict, as long as your addiction isn’t hurting you or anyone else physically, emotionally, or financially.
There, that make you feel better, “point” man?
Yes, thank you.. now I feel I’ve gotten my money’s worth.
…
Jul 7, 2008
Posted by Skid Vis on Jul 7, 2008 in Words of Visdom, Yadda Yadda | View Comments
um.. what am I looking at?
Oh, hi! I didn’t see you there. This is my new tattoo. The first two pictures are from Photoshop, where I drew it.. the other two were taken at the tattoo place. Wutcha think?
I think it looks painful.
Nah, it just feels like a slight sunburn.. not too bad.
Wait a second.. didn’t you tell Vexx one time that tattoos are bad?
Well.. let me explain how I feel about tattoos.. See, Tattoos are like lawn decorations.. 1 or two isn’t too bad, but if you have 100 pink flamingos on your lawn.. that’s just ugly.
So you only have one or two.. that’s it?
Yessir, I had one installed over 10 years ago.. it’s of my kitty cat, Skat. Oh, and now I have this one too.
So what the hell is this supposed to be?
Ok, it’s not too complicated.. but try to follow along.. the broken heart represents pain.. cuz, you know, broken hearts hurt. The sword represents strength.. cuz, well, it just does.. look it up. The sword is IN the heart, but it didn’t cause the break.. so basically it means “Have strength in times of pain”. Get it?
I think you have too much free time on your hands.
Jealous?
Whatever.. any last words of Visdom?
Yea, you know it. Tattoos are forever, well at least until they perfect that removable ink, but for now.. thay’re forever. I thought about this tattoo for a very long time.. like I said, it’s been 10 years since the 1st one. I think before you get a tattoo it should be special. It should be something that is timeless and will still mean the same thing 100 years from now.
I just can’t understand why someone would put the Nike Swoosh or the Zune logo on themselves.. that’s just weird.. or someone’s name.. I mean are you still tight with all the people you were tight with 10 years ago? Why risk looking foolish?
I hate you.
I know, it’s ok.
