Aug 2, 2010
Posted by Skid Vis on Aug 2, 2010 in Yadda Yadda | View Comments
On Friday afternoon, I was doing what I’d been doing all week.. A nice leisurely ride on my pretty little bike, Rita (Short for “Motorita”, which is spanish for “Little Motorcycle [female]).
It was a day like any other, the sun shining up above and the cool wind brushing up against my face as I rode down highway 75.
It was there that suddenly and without warning, a patch of gravel mysteriously emerged. Going against my many miles of training, my instinct took over, leading to a horrible mistake.. Pressing the front brake.
The next few seconds, a blur, as Rita slid out and to the left from under me, allowing physics to propel me towards a quick reminder of the frailty of the human body.
Several rolls and bumps later, I stood victorious, and hurried back to sit by my poor Rita’s side. She had suffered a devastating fall, and I was lucky if I could ever be with her again.
A passer-by, witnessing the event, parked diagonally on the highway to block traffic. He asked if I needed help, but adrenaline and confusion lead me to believe all was well. He knew better, and proceeded to help me and Rita to a safer spot in the breakdown lane. Once assured that we were fine, he was off to most likely save the world.
After several minutes, I convinced myself to make the trek home. Slowly but surely, Rita completed her task.
Feeling hungry, I called a friend for dinner.. Upon arriving and seeing my wounds, the nurse in her took over and she proceeded to clean and bandage me.
Bla bla bla
I went to the ER and I have a fractured elbow and I bashed up my left wrist, you know.. The bad one.
Sent from my iPhone
Apr 15, 2010
Posted by Skid Vis on Apr 15, 2010 in Yadda Yadda | View Comments
Ever since the release of the iPad, people have been swarming around me and bothering me with all kinds of goofy questions. Can you put that thing down and look at me? Shouldn’t you have paid your rent instead of buying that? Can I get a chance to use the shitter now? … only one person asked me something worthwhile, wouldn’t that look great hanging on a wall? Here are my thoughts on the iPad as a picture frame.
First – It’s frickin awesome! I get all tingly in funny places just thinking about it. When I first thought of the iPad as a picture frame, I was a bit hesitant. I mean, Like everyone else, I feel a picture frame should just show one picture, one VERY IMPORTANT picture, not three thousand. I’m not too keen on providing power to a damn picture frame, either. All that changed just a few nights ago, however, when I was looking at porn. Nothing too freaky, just normal porn. Ok, maybe a little freaky, I like redheads.. but still. I thought to myself, how could I choose just one of these if I were to put one in a picture frame? I couldn’t! Having three thousand scantily-clad redheads randomly staring at me would be great!
Second – It’s automagic. No more digging through photo albums, or looking under the mattress for wrinkly-paged magazines. I just look up and presto, there she is.. and there she is.. and there she is. Heaven. Even more so, I can just stop the slideshow and search for my favorites, with pinch-zoom and rotation even.. oh yes, you like that. Holding the magazine in front of a mirror, to get a different perspective, is now a thing of the past.
Third – It’s not just for porn. Sure, I love my redheads, but what if I’m just not in the mood? What if the priest and my mom are stopping by for dinner? No problemo! This thing handles all kinds of pictures! Like the one of my puppy biting my toe, or the one of the time I climbed Mount Everest! All I have to do is open that photo album and click the nice slideshow button. Easy-peasy!
Forth (or is it Fourth?) – Just like an iPod or a hat, you can take your pictures everywhere! (except Isreal) This is an amazing thing for moms, and people like me who take way too many pictures of their pets and think they’re the cutest things on the planet even though everyone else wants to strangle me when I show them a picture of my dogs. No more lugging around scrapbooks, worrying that someone’s gonna steal my pictures, or that I’m gonna rip a page and have to redo the whole thing the next time I’m in the mental institution! Freaks like me have it all kinds of easy now!
If you like to look a pictures, this is foots up the best picture frame in the whole planet! Guaranteed! Sure, it surfs the web, plays games, and does all kinds of productivity crap, but looking at pictures is where this thing really shines.. especially porn. Check it out! (..and wash your hands when you’re done.)
*This post was meant as a joke, my good friend.. well, my FORMER good friend Andy Peters wrote a post about his iPad, and this was me poking fun. I swear to you I do not use mine for porn.. that’s what the iPhone is for. Bye now, hugs!
Nov 15, 2009
Posted by Skid Vis on Nov 15, 2009 in Yadda Yadda | View Comments
Last week, @secos introduced me to David Ford.. not in person, he just sent out a Twitter Tweet to this video:
After I saw that, I picked my jaw off the floor and bought the guys album:
I’m glad I did.. he rocks. You should support this guy and get it too!
Nov 3, 2009
Posted by Skid Vis on Nov 3, 2009 in Yadda Yadda | View Comments
The Dragonfly Life..
Dragonflies are born in water, and they spend the majority of their lives in that water. They remain in their larval stage, a nymph, for up to five years. They swim, and eat, and enjoy themselves in the relative comfort and serenity of their aquatic homes. Occasionally glancing at the surface of the water, at the big, scary world outside.
The world on the other side is quite terrifying indeed. Once nymphs decide they’re ready to sprout wings, it’s a constant battle for survival. To power their wings and maintain their amazing aerial dexterity, the dragonfly requires not just heat, but must also feed often to recover the calories expended. As if having an insatiable appetite isn’t bad enough, the dragonfly is not anywhere near the top of the food chain. Plenty of birds are keeping a vigilant eye out for our feisty, four-winged friend. But wait, there’s more! Male Dragonflies all believe themselves king, and as such will have a fight to the death with any other male dragonfly in his territory. They must eat, they must not be eaten, they must not get killed by some young punk, fresh out the pond, AND they must find a mate. It’s no wonder some nymphs decide to chill in the pond for five years, they know they won’t last more than six months as an adult!
The good life..
When we’re young, we’re allowed the good fortune to be idiots. We’ll forget many of our mistakes, and we’ll not give a second thought to those we’ve scarred. We’ll play the same games, we’ll keep telling ourselves that there’s plenty of time ahead. Then one day, out of the blue, we’ll look around us and realize we should have made that left turn at Albuquerque. If we’re lucky, we’ll still have time to fix things. If we’re blessed, we’ll be forgiven by those we’ve wronged. If we’re strong, we’ll be able to push through the wall of despair. If, however, the chips are stacked against us, we’ll be hated, resisted, impaired, or forgotten. We will find ourselves weak, alone, and dying at a rate paced quicker than we’d like.
It’s all relative..
My youth wasn’t fun, not by any means. I had to fight the current, defy authority, and prove that my way was the better way. I escaped the fate that was sure to kill me. Many took credit for it, and I was quick to correct them. No one helped me.. I stood alone, I fought alone, I succeeded alone. That’s what I would believe for well over a decade. My life now, it’s so far removed from the world from which I came that I find it difficult to even remember the feelings I once swore I’d never forget. Back then, I was not alone. I had my cousins.. Iris and Betsy, we were always close. We relied on each other to be the gauge of sanity as our parents tried to tell us that the sky was black, when we knew it was surely blue. I also had my two best friends.. Vexx and Xentinel. My sword and shield. Vexx was younger than me, perhaps that’s why I felt the need to protect him and educate him. I wanted him to succeed, to win, even with the hand he was dealt. He had talent.. a great artist and a hungry mind.. he kept me grounded. Xentinel, he was older than me, and strong. He was a tree.. With him beside me, I felt invincible. Those two guys kept me real, they kept me moving forward. It was easy to take chances, knowing that they would be there without hesitation. Four individuals that drove me to be a fighter.. but wait, there’s more.
I come from a long line of uneducated individuals. College was never a path presented to me by my parents, even High School wasn’t. Education was a waste of time.. a man is only worth the sweat of his brow, not the thoughts in his head. I was encourage to drop out of school and get a job. School was a waste of time. Peggy Laurencelle, my English teacher.. she went to bat for me, she tried to point out to me that my thought process was greater than I was lead to believe. Mr. Naugle, or “nugget”, as I would call him. He was my Biology teacher. Always amazed by my ability to miss tons of class, hang with the bad kids, spend time in class.. drawing, yet STILL ace my exams. I regret almost giving him a heart attack when I pretend-mugged him outside a movie theater one night. Mr. Vasalo, my art teacher. I had his wife, Mrs. Vasalo, for History the year prior. I was so mean to that woman, I never listened, I mocked her, insulted her, and all-around made her life hell.. but still aced the class. Art, however, was a class I was eager to excel in. Mr. Vasalo was so impressed by my enthusiasm that one night he couldn’t help but brag to his wife about the great student he had. Once she realized it was me, she proceeded to remind him that all the bad evenings he had to deal with the year before, when she arrived home after dealing with her worst student’s shenanigans, were due to ME! Needless to say, I received many slaps from him after that. Those instructors, they put up with my disrespect, my ignorance, my culture.. they saw through the street kid, forced to bare his teeth. The reached for the kid inside that wanted to learn, under his own terms. I owe them the world.
All growed up..
I’m finally an adult, My days in the water are long behind me. Now I have to flap my wings for dear life. The world is against me, and I no longer have the safety of the water. I’m left alone, to fend for myself. I must fight to survive, I must fend off the young guys, always eager to dethrone me, I must stay alert, so this life doesn’t eat me alive, AND I must find a mate. Let’s hope I last more than six months.
..and knowing is half the battle.
I apologize for the massiveness of this post, but it HAS been a while since I’ve written. But hey, now you know more about me, and maybe you’ll be a little nicer to those cute, little dragonflies.
Oct 6, 2009
Posted by Skid Vis on Oct 6, 2009 in Yadda Yadda | View Comments
I set up a new system at work for users to get computer help without calling me.. this is the email I sent out to inform them about it:
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New Omaha Helpdesk System
In an effort to provide better support, we would like to introduce the Omaha Helpdesk Support Homepage (OHSH).
OHSH will provide a more reliable process for documenting IT support issues.
The OLD process goes something like this:
You notice an issue.
You walk over to OR call the IT cave.
You tell us your issue.
We head out to fix your issue.
We’re intercepted by someone with a seemingly greater issue.
We tend to that issue and forget all about your issue.
You don’t say ‘Hi!’ to us in the hall anymore.
Rinse and repeat.
The NEW process:
You notice an issue.
You send an email to Omaha.Helpdesk@companyx.com (Just type in ‘help’ and hit enter in the To: field.. how easy is that?!)
You include a description of your issue and a screenshot, if applicable
A ticket is generated and sent to the IT staff.
We solve your issue and close the support ticket.
You bring us chocolates.
I know what you’re thinking.. “what if the problem is Lotus Notes and I CANT SEND EMAILS?!??!??”
Relax, we’ve got you covered. Just open up your web-browser and type in:
http://helpdesk
That will take you to OHSH, where you can log in with your Windows login information and manually create the support ticket.
Obviously some situations are still going to require a phone call, but unless it’s urgent (PC on fire?), we would appreciate usage of OHSH for your IT issues.
——————————————
Funny, eh?
