I wrote this poem back in 2006.. check it:
Hello, my love
How do you do?
Just want you to know
that I’m thinking of you.
I know you’re not there
because you’re at work,
but thinking of being with you
drives me berzerk!
You are my Love,
You are my Life,
You’ve taken my loneliness
and made my life.. nice.
You’ve been away for like, a month, and you’re back with a physics lesson?
No, I’m here with a lesson in life and love.
Of course. Please, go on.
Well, the story goes like this.. One day, a very sweet, beautiful angel met a young, wonderful man. They started to date. They shared many wonderful events. Then, out of a sudden, the angel decides she doesn’t want to be with the man anymore. Surely there’s someone more “perfect” for her “out there”. Many moons pass by and the angel now questions her decision to leave the man. Alas, time wounds all heels, so the man has moved on to another angel.. one that surely thinks there’s someone more “perfect” for her “out there” as well, but has yet to act on it.
Um.. who are you in all this?
Huh? Why do I have to be in this? Can’t I just be an observer?
Well ya.. but that’s not how you normally work.
Who says I work?
Good point.. proceed.
Anyway, I call this.. The Boomerang Effect!
Gasp!
Basically, we like to live in a fairy tale world. We want perfection, we want revisions, we want the “new car smell” to never go away. We find someone who is great, then we tear them apart. We greatly exaggerate every imperfection, as if we ourselves are perfect, and then start looking outwards towards finding that perfection we seek. Some of us are brave and move on, continuing our search for the holy grail, only to realize that what we had was great. Then we spend our days wishing we had back what we gave up, we try to move on, but we never let anyone in because they don’t compare to what we had, so we lose them too, which makes us realize we did it again! It’s an endless cycle.
Rinse, and repeat.
Exactly.
So.. what are you.. or she.. or whomever this story is about, to do?
In the words of the great Vanilla Ice.. Stop, Collaborate, and Listen. If you’re in a relationship, and you’re thinking that things could be better, Stop. Think deeply about things. Have you felt this way before?, acted upon it, and regretted it? Talk to your partner.. Collaborate. Discuss what you feel isn’t perfect.. see if it’s something small that can be changed or compromised. Make sure you’re not just barking out orders.. Listen. Sometimes in a relationship, we tend to start doing the whole “Eye for an Eye” thing. We do something we know the other doesn’t like simply because they’re doing something we don’t like. Eventually it gets out of control and the relationship ends over something that could have been avoided by a simple life change.
So are you saying people should stick with someone they don’t like?
Of course not! Some people just aren’t meant to be together.. that’s life. But in today’s world, we’re quick to hit the eject button. It’s not uncommon to ask “why’d you break up?” and get back something stupid like “He wouldn’t put the toilet seat down!” or “He doesn’t like my dog!”. We really need to focus on the things we DO get from someone, and not so much what’s missing. Nothing is perfect, nothing will ever be perfect. Relationships especially. To sound a bit moronic for a bit..
Oh, you haven’t been doing that the whole time?
…
Sorry.
Anyway.. think of relationship like a “relation ship”. A ship requires a crew.. you and your partner. The vessel is your journey through life. Once you’re out on the seas, you’re going to encounter good weather and bad weather, calm seas and rough seas. You’ll be hungry, you’ll get wet, you’ll laugh, you’ll fight. You’ll have many good times and many bad times.. but you have to remain a team or you’ll both perish. Ships have an eject button.. you can jump into the ocean. If you’re lucky, you’ll be rescued by another passing ship.. but, more than likely you’re going to be eaten by sharks or just freeze to death.
That’s how we need to think of the eject button.. it’s a last chance choice.. not something we jump to hit like game show contestants.
Deep.. so seriously, who are you in the story??
I’m everyone.
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Image via Wikipedia “Life sucks”, I thought while packing my backpack. It was Saturday morning and I was feeling like there was no air to breathe here in Nebraska, so I needed to get away. I’d decided, at the last minute, to make the trip to Denver.. to get away from the pain that I was feeling.
I hit the road slightly before noon, trying to hurry past the Nebraska Cornhusker fans heading to the first game of the season. The road to Denver is a long and boring one. You pass by lots of horses, hay, and over-priced gas stations. When you’re feeling low, this landscape serves well to make you feel like there’s really nothing to live for, and the long drive is plenty for hours of internal arguments and reflection.
Luckily, after what seemed like an eternity, I started closing in on Denver. Seeing the mountains suddenly appear through the horizon is always as breathtaking as the first time I saw it. Colorado is a magical place, it has the ability to restore my love of the Earth very quickly. My thoughts of sadness and loneliness took a back seat to my wonder as I let myself be taken in by the sights and sounds of nature. Well.. not so much the sounds, my jeep is pretty loud at 75MPH.
Anyway, after a long drive and checking into my hotel, I decided to stretch my legs and go for a walk. I came upon an Irish Grill and Pub called Darcy’s. I stopped in and attempted to drown my sorrows. Unknown to me, Saturday nights they have Trivia Night, where they hand out answer sheets, the DJ asks a series of trivia questions, and the winner gets a cheesy prize. The questions being asked were mostly sports questions, which I know nothing about, so instead of writing down answers, I started to draw.
After a few beers my emotions were in control of my art.. I drew an evil flower, representing how something beautiful can hurt you.. I drew a turtle with a human skull for a head, representing how death comes slowly.. and I drew numerous other things. As I drew, I developed an audience.. people would pass by and stop to see me work, it was quite amusing.. each asking me to explain the art, or if I drew for a living. Eventually it was time for me to go, I asked for my tab but the manager proposed a trade, I give him my art and my tab is on the house. How could I refuse?
The next morning I awoke bright and early, I had plans of sky-diving, 4-wheeling, and whitewater rafting. I called every place I could find on the web.. every place was booked. Eventually I called one place, Arkansas Valley Adventures, and while they were booked for rafting, they suggested I take a kayak.. so I did. After a 2-hour drive I was ready to begin. There were two tour guides, Adam and Omar, along with a couple from Florida and a couple from Colorado who were going rafting. We were driven to the drop-off spot, where Omar piled everyone into a raft and I was given my kayak. Just so you know, I’ve never been in, on, or around a kayak.. I can’t even swim! But, I asked for verbal instructions, pushed fear aside, and away I went.
I’ve never encountered anything as amazing as whitewater kayaking in Colorado. The water is so crisp, the mountains so monumentous, and I’m sure the air is cleaner. For most of the trip I could see the raft in front of me, which was great because I could see where the spots were that I needed to look out for.. but eventually they vanished and I was all alone. Alone, whitewater kayaking in Colorado. Who would have ever thought I’d be doing that?
Once that ended, I drove back to the hotel and got cleaned up, dried up, and warmed up! Finally so fresh and so clean, I walked about 400 miles to the nearest Mexican restaurant.. I may be exaggerating.. but it sure felt like it. Along the walk, some thugs sped by shouting “Break yo’self fool!” and chucked a beer bottle in my direction. Luckily their aim was off.. otherwise I might have yet another scar on my pretty head. I made it to the restaurant, ate some good mexican food, then started the trek back, settling once again at Darcy’s.
The manager recognized me and immediately brought my drink of choice. I made friends with some fellow out-of-towners, we talked about homeless people, college football, and who knows what else. Eventually I was feeling good and decided I needed to call it a night.. once again they tried to cover my tab, but I didn’t let them. Happy, I went to bed.
The next morning I was up bright and early, back on the road home. This time, the long journey was filled with hope, understanding, and self-discovery. This journey helped me realize that fear is a roadblock to the party. Fear stops me from doing many things, but fear is a lie.. the cake is a lie.. things never turn out as bad as my fears think they will. In fact, the worst moments of my life were brought about by my reactions to fear.. on the other hand, the best times of my life were when I shoved fear aside and reached out.
The moral of the story.. Don’t let fear control you. Conquer your fears and give yourself a story to tell.
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This weekend I did something I’ve never done before..
Have sex?
No, I went camping and tubing. On July 4th, Special K had a cookout. While there, some of her friends started planning a camping trip and invited us.. they assured me that if I refused.. I would die. And, well, I wanna live forever.. so I agreed.
Now mind you, I’m a city boy. Born and raised in a congested metropolis and quite content with it. The only pictures I have in my head of camping are what I’ve seen from dozens of horror flicks, and of course, deliverance. That, coupled with the idea of being eaten alive by bugs and being without toilets, showers, and, most importantly, INTERNET are more than enough to keep me from ever desiring to do such a thing.
So why did you do it? You really think they’d kill you?
Well, you know my definition of life: “Life is the collection of experiences between birth and death”. That’s why I did it.. to add another experience to my collection. It was only for a couple days, if I didn’t like it at least I would KNOW that it’s not for me and never do it again.
Well, did you like it?
You know, I did. Early Friday morning, the six of us took off towards Valentine, Nebraska, stopping in Norfolk, Nebraska to pick up a camper. We arrived about 7 hours later.. just as it was starting to darken. It was surprisingly vacant, which was nice. We could hear the water flowing beside us, which is probably why everyone kept peeing so damned much.. although it could have been the beer? We started a fire and grilled some burgers.. after which we sat around discussing utility bills.. wtf?
The next morning we were up bright and early, a bus came and picked us up and took us to the start point of our tubing experience. A 30 minute drive would take us towards a 5 hour float back. With 6 tubes tied together, and 2 smaller tubes carrying our coolers full o’ beer, we set off down the river.
We could not have asked for more perfect weather. It wasn’t too hot, nor too cold. The water was perfect.. it was all just right. We started down the river on a very peaceful, relaxing 5-hour float. It was fairly uneventful with the exception of one member who had issues staying on his tube.. we affectionately named him “Shamu”.
Once we arrived back at camp, we started a fire and grilled out again, then we all pretty much collapsed after a day of non-stop drinking. The next morning we packed up and hit the road towards home.
Sounds like a lot of work for just 1 day.
Yes indeed.. I’m still pretty stiff… huhhuh.. from driving so much.
So you’d do it again, then?
Um.. I really enjoyed the tubing experience. I’m certain there’s a closer place where I can do that again.. if so, yea.. I’d do that again. The camping part? I love my showers too much.. so next time I’d need a place to shower or maybe just one night instead of two. ..and again, less than 7 hours away.. unless it’s someplace cool like a mountain in Colorado.
Take any pix?
yup.. they’re on Flickr.
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Today I noticed something about myself that I’ve been afraid to look at. I’ve discovered that I’m not meticulous. That’s right, I lack meticule.
What the heck is “meticule”?
Well, It’s attention to detail. Back in the day, I used to draw. I drew often.. heck, I still doodle every chance I get. I like art, and I like creating things.. that’s why I program a little, draw a little, make podcasts a little, and even try to play the piano.. a little.
Sounds like you do very little.
Exactly. I’m a jack of all trades, master of none. Why? because I lack meticule. I apparently have a very short attention span.. or perhaps I have some illness by which I ..
Hey, I should be home by now.. it’s friday and it’s past 4.. wtf?
You were saying something about a lack of attention?
Oh.. right. So, it all started when I was a wee lad. I remember watching some show on PBS which made me want to draw happy clouds. So I did.. I grabbed a sheet of paper and got to drawing. Later on, I’d meet my friends who liked to draw. The would always blow me away with their skill, I’d run home and try to be like them. The problem was, the longest I ever spent on a drawing was 1 hour. Some artists spend days, even weeks perfecting what they make.. not me, 1 hour tops.
Most artists start with outlines and sketches.. not me, I always drew with a pen.. 1 shot, 1 hour tops. After about 45 minutes I get agitated. I stop enjoying the process. Why? Because I’m not good at it.. I’m never happy with what I’ve done and eventually settle for mediocre (Not to be confused with a Meaty Ogre.. Mmm).
..and you’re like this with all the other things you do.. a little.
Right.. I get mad at my programming skill because I’m not the best.. so I put off doing it. I get angry at my “acting” and editing skills so I’m always slow to make a new episode, and so on.
Hmm.. I think I read somewhere that the key to improving is persistance.
Yea, and I know that too, and I keep telling myself that I’m going to buckle down and focus on one thing and then become the best of the best at it.. but then I see something shiny and off I go in the other direction.
Good thing you’re human then. I’m guessing the point of this rant is to let people know they shouldn’t feel bad if they have problems committing to one thing, eh?
No. You’re really bad at drawing conclusions.
I never claimed to be an artist.
?
Your point then?
My point is this.. there are many different kinda of people. Some people are masters on one subject. They know that one subject inside and out.. but like I’ve always said when someone says they wish they knew as much about computers as I do.. for every one thing I know about computers that’s one more thing I don’t know about something else.
Am I upset by the fact that I’m a jack of all trades? Sometimes. But it’s easy to get over it when I know that I’m a programmer who: can draw, can work on a car engine, can write fairly well, can take awesome photos, can speak a few languages, can make people laugh, can read legalese, and can satisfy a woman.
Did you really need to add that last one?
No.. but then I didn’t have to add any of them. I define life as the collection of experiences acquired between birth and death, therefore I’m glad that I’m experienced in many things.. even if I’m not top dog in any one thing.
