As yet another weekend flies right past me, I can’t help but realize that there’s less and less distance between Today and my Birthday. I’m not a big fan of birthdays, you see.. if I were in Logan’s Run, I would have met up with the big ceiling fan in the sky by now. I know, I know.. you’re only as young as you think you are, and I feel like a 25-year old, look like a 28-year old, and act like a 10-year old.. so I should be content.
The thing is, although I may Feel, Look, and Act younger.. I’m not. The world does not cater to my delusions. I’m starting to be seen as “the old guy”, I’m fighting a losing battle against my greys, my metabolism is starting to make me think twice about dessert, and that noise on the radio just doesn’t make any dang-blarned sense to me anymore! Phooey!
I can’t stop the hands of time (dammit!), but I suppose the time is approaching for me to stop being like the Grasshopper and start being more like the Ant. Spurred on by articles such as this one, that remind me of how the sand is falling quicker than I’d like, I’m being forced to think about life over the hill.
One would think that someone such as myself would have no problem picking a “Plan B”. After all, I have many talents! (Giggity! Giggity!) I’ve spent my whole life dabbling in this and that. Unfortunately, THAT is the problem! See, a good friend (Hi! Teleshka!) once said to me “You’ve got to do something 60 times for it to become habit.” (This was when I was having issues learning to ride Horses.. my hip hurts just thinking about it.) Meanwhile, The powers that be state that in order to be an expert at something, you must do that one thing for about 10,000 hours. Well, using those two statements as a reference.. I’d say I have a ton of habits, but as far as expertise.. I’m an expert sleeper? Or am I? My recent sleep study revealed that I don’t sleep well, bouncing in and out of REM erratically which is why I’m always sleepy and take ProVigil to keep me on my toes.
So, knowing that I’m an expert at nothing.. what am I to do? What are my passions? Drawing, Writing, Human Sexuality, Computers. I may not be an expert at anyone one of those things, but surely I’m an expert at all of them combined! The obvious solution would be for me to use Computers to Write books on Human Sexuality which include some awesome Drawings from yours truly. Hmm.. that started off as a joke, but now that I see it in writing, it doesn’t seem so far fetched.
Get to the point already!
Oh, you live.. I was worried about you. Anyway.. The point is this: Plan A is great.. but don’t forget to nurture Plan B. you may need it sooner than you think.
“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.â€
- Judy Garland
Start being intensely selfish.
“When you come right down to it all you have is yourself. The sun is a thousand rays in your belly. All the rest is nothing.â€
- Pablo Picasso
Stop following the rules.
“If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun.â€
- Katharine Hepburn
Start scaring yourself.
“Men wanted for hazardous journey. Low wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success.”
- Ernest Shackleton
Stop taking it all so damn seriously.
“Don’t take life too seriously; you’ll never get out of it alive.”
- Elbert Hubbard
Start getting rid of the crap.
“Knowledge is a process of piling up facts; wisdom lies in their simplification.â€
- Martin H. Fischer
Stop being busy.
“We’re lost, but we’re making good timeâ€
- Yogi Berra
Start something.
“After all is said and done, more is said than done.â€
- Aesop
Begged, Borrowed, and Stolen from Eight Irresistible Principles of Fun. Good stuff, but I feel this isn’t so much about having fun, as it is about being happy. They also wrongly attributed some of the quotes.. but who’s keeping track, right?
Wow, it’s been a whole month since I’ve written anything? Holy shiatsu, how time flies. Well, since I know you’re just DYING to know, let me give you a glimpse of the last 30 days.
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
George Clooney, Jason Reitman, and a few Hollywood-types were in town to film a lil movie called ‘Up in the Air‘. George Clooney plays this guy who travels across the country for a company that fires people. Uplifting stuff. I play “Guy walking around like he’s never been in an airport before.”, if I’m even in it at all. I spent 16 hours with about 200 other Extras at the airport pretending to be travelers and flight staff. I found it rather interesting that they needed extras for this, considering that the airport was fully operational and there were plenty of REAL people hustlin’ and blustlin’ through the airport. I’m not complaining though, I’ll be happy if I can see myself on the big screen for one tenth of a second. Such a ham I be, I’m surprised I don’t like Apples more. On a side note, the Extras were split into three groups: Apples, Bananas, and Cherries. I was a Cherry, of course.
Cinco de Mrazo
So there’s this guy, Jason Mraz, he thinks he knows how to sing. Lucky for him, I happen to agree. If you know me, you know that I know that you know that we all know that I know pretty much all of this kid’s songs. I’m not much for going to concerts, but I know this guys sounds great live and is an awesome entertainer, so I always make the effort to see him perform. This particular concert was on May 5, or ‘Cinco de Mayo’ for you partiers out there. As you know, I had a contest to try and show up there with a date, but that was a bust. Instead I showed up alone, met up with Jack Deus and his wife, and we huddled all night just a few feet from the stage. If you were there, you couldn’t have missed me.. I was the dork with the black Sombrero that was probably blocking your view. If if you were there early enough, before Jason performed, before the Plain White T’s performed, and smack-dab in the middle of Anya Marina’s performance, I’m sure you heard my name flowing from her luscious, ‘probably dry from being stoned’-lips. Yes, I lasso’d the moon.. but that’s a story for when I have grand kids. The show was awesome, I’m awesome, let’s move on.
Gary V saw my O! face.
Gary Who? Gary Vaynerchuk. He’s a rich guy who has more money than sense and a video blog about wine. He was here, we shook hands, I washed them quickly afterwards. What was he doing here? Well, these two guys, Jeff Slobotski and Dusty D (Dusty Doily?), wished on a star, rubbed a lamp, and do-si-do’ed their asses off to organize Omaha’s first ever non-crappy tech/business conference: BigOmaha. For one day, Omaha was THE place to be.. if you’re a geek. People came from all over the world.. country.. midwest? to listen to Gary V, Jason Fried, Girls in Tech, Micah Baldwin, Jeffrey Kalmikoff, and a rat-load of other speakers talk about business, technology, failure, and who knows what else. It was an awesome event that I’m glad happened. Omaha might just stand a chance. After the conference was an.. after-party at the Nomad Lounge over on 10th and Jones. Attendees got free drinks, so heck yea I’m there. I called up Jack Deus again and he was my shadow for a couple hours until the alcohol traded places with him. He left and I proceeded to make a fool of myself, which comes amazingly easy.. as I do, in front of all kinds of strangers whom I’m sure went home with the same question every past lover has shared.. What’s that guy’s problem?
So there it is. 30 days, 3 events.. about one every 10 days.. that’s not bad, right? In 30 days I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve wanted to be alone, I’ve wanted to be in a crowd, I’ve wanted to live, and yes.. I’ve even wanted to die. But hey, that’s just a normal month for this Sexy, Kind, Intelligent, and Dangerous Vis.
When I was a young’n.. you know, last week sometime.. I would frequent church all the time. Not by choice, mind you. My parents were very strict religious people, and going to church was a nearly daily event. An event that I really couldn’t comprehend and certainly didn’t enjoy. Those of you who know me well, know that I have a unique set of beliefs.
As a young teen, I wanted to believe.. not just in God, but in everything.. Bigfoot, The Lochness Monster, The Bermuda Triangle, Aliens.. all of it. I’d spend many days skipping school and digging deep into all kinds of books at the public library. Being forced to attend church services many times a week, made religion a more prominent area of research. I could never understand the point of the service itself.. I mean, people arrive at the church and greet each other, then there’s singing.. ok.. and then someone takes the stand and yells at us for being sinners, then they ask us for money? I found it all very insulting, monotonous, and boring.
Sleeping was forbidden in church, go figure, so I had to find something to occupy my time. What a better thing than to read the Bible? But where to start? Genesis? Sure.. that’s the beginning.. but I pretty much know the story just from the many times I’ve heard it. Revelations? Um.. that’s kinda scary and grim, and probably wouldn’t make much sense without having read what came before it, right? Well.. where do I start?
I’ve always been a “dart-board decider”, When I don’t know what to do, I just jump in and figure it out. My home state of Connecticut has no NFL team, so when it came time for me to pick one to follow, I just turned on the TV, found a game, and adopted the winner (Vikings). That said, when trying to decide on the Bible, I let God tell me why I should even bother. I plopped the big book on it’s back, let the pages fall as the may, and locked my eyes on the first thing I could.
“For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.”, Acts 8:23
That’s what I saw. What came before, and what followed after, were of complete insignificance to me. I was bewildered by the fact that I ended up landing on such a direct and plain answer to the question in my head. I was bitter, I hated being dragged to church kicking and screaming almost every day, and.. well, trapped by sin was the way to roll. You had to be either one of Them, or one of Us, and being one of Us yielded a lot more safety.. ironically.
I don’t know if it started there or not, but that moment sticks out as a reassurance of why I don’t believe in chance. Like the movie, “City of Angels”, I believe that there are forces constantly acting For AND Against us. I’ve been very blessed and fortunate. More often than not, my prayers get answered. So much so, that I fear praying sometimes..
When I was a kid, I loved my Godfather. You see, my family was poor. For me, Birthdays sucked, as did Christmas. There was hardly enough money for food, much less for the luxuries that we always crave. My Godfather, however, he always had money.. he was in the game. Whenever I was allowed to see him, I totally enjoyed it.. it always resulted in some money and a shopping spree. As I aged, I started to understand HOW he got his money.. and that made the gifts not as pleasant to receive. One day, my Godfather was a involved in a pretty bad car accident, the docs said he’d never be able to walk again. At that point, he turned his life around and decided to commit to God. It was pleasant to see the change. My parents, who were always hesitant to let me spend time with my Godfather, now had something in common with him again. It brought us all closer, and it was nice. Slowly but surely, my Godfather’s injuries started to heal, until finally.. he walked. As if he were an inmate that had just been released back into the world, my Godfather left the church, and resumed business as usual.
That memory stands in the front row every time I decide to pray. Am I using my faith as some sort of magic genie? Is this request worthy enough? Selfless enough? Sometimes, when my heart starts to act up, and I’m overcome with the fear of dying, my instinct is to beg for mercy, to ask God not to take me.. but then my Godfather pops in.. I feel calm, and accept that if I have to die, there’s no point in begging for him to change his mind, instead.. I just think of those I love.
It’s been decades since I was that kid, yet Acts 8:23 still holds just as precise. I’m still bitter and I’m still locked in sin, but it’s Easter, a day to remember that there is Hope even when the worst of the worst has happened. Life can be painful, difficult, and disappointing.. but next time you’re feeling that way, take one second to realized that you’re being watched, you’re being held, and you’re being loved.
