I wrote this poem back in 2006.. check it:
Hello, my love
How do you do?
Just want you to know
that I’m thinking of you.
I know you’re not there
because you’re at work,
but thinking of being with you
drives me berzerk!
You are my Love,
You are my Life,
You’ve taken my loneliness
and made my life.. nice.
It’s time for another episode of “WTF did I eat before bedtime?”
So in last night’s dream, I was a pirate. Not the “I download files illegally”-pirate, but the honest-to-goodness “Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!”-pirate. So here I am, on a really large pirate ship, so large in fact, that it had a full-sized tennis court on its deck. Yup.. we were some tennis-playing pirates!!! Argh!
Ok, a pirate ship with a tennis court.. no big deal.. but a tennis tournament on a pirate ship? Yup. This pirate ship was packed with pirates from all the seven seas, patched eyes and tennis racquets as far as the unpatched eye could see. See, apparently at some point the Queen of England, Not the current 400-year old Queen of England, but rather a smokin hottie version, was going to hop on board and play against the chosen pirate. I dunno why.. I didn’t ask. All I know is that I really wanted to nail that queen, and well.. my only shot was tennis.
The tournament started.. and since I was a noob, I wasn’t allowed to use a tennis racquet! I had to use something that resembled a large spoon! So, my first few matches totally sucked, but I kept at it. Eventually I was pretty damned good at spooning.. er.. tennis via spoon, and eventually the Queen showed up. Since I held the top spot, I was told that I would be playing her, BUT I COULD NOT WIN! I’m guessing if she lost she’d have our heads? I dunno.. but I know that if I won the pirates themselves would take care of me before I could find out.
The game began, and after she stopped laughing at me for playing with a spoon, it got intense. I was doing really well.. too well. At any second when my eyes weren’t alternating between the beautiful queen and the ball, I would catch a glimpse of a pirate giving me the whole “sliding finger across the throat”-sign.. you know, the one that says “I’m going to kill you if you beat the queen, you fairy!”. I had to work really hard to let her win.. but eventually I lost gracefully. I played well enough that she left me with a wink as she boarded her ship. That’s a good sign, right? I can only imagine that the Queen of England giving a pirate a wink could compare to getting a gals phone number nowadays. 
So that’s it.. I woke up really frickin tired from running around all night. What does this all mean? Halloween is comong up soon.. should I be a pirate and look for a queen? Or was it just bad chinese?
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You’ve been away for like, a month, and you’re back with a physics lesson?
No, I’m here with a lesson in life and love.
Of course. Please, go on.
Well, the story goes like this.. One day, a very sweet, beautiful angel met a young, wonderful man. They started to date. They shared many wonderful events. Then, out of a sudden, the angel decides she doesn’t want to be with the man anymore. Surely there’s someone more “perfect” for her “out there”. Many moons pass by and the angel now questions her decision to leave the man. Alas, time wounds all heels, so the man has moved on to another angel.. one that surely thinks there’s someone more “perfect” for her “out there” as well, but has yet to act on it.
Um.. who are you in all this?
Huh? Why do I have to be in this? Can’t I just be an observer?
Well ya.. but that’s not how you normally work.
Who says I work?
Good point.. proceed.
Anyway, I call this.. The Boomerang Effect!
Gasp!
Basically, we like to live in a fairy tale world. We want perfection, we want revisions, we want the “new car smell” to never go away. We find someone who is great, then we tear them apart. We greatly exaggerate every imperfection, as if we ourselves are perfect, and then start looking outwards towards finding that perfection we seek. Some of us are brave and move on, continuing our search for the holy grail, only to realize that what we had was great. Then we spend our days wishing we had back what we gave up, we try to move on, but we never let anyone in because they don’t compare to what we had, so we lose them too, which makes us realize we did it again! It’s an endless cycle.
Rinse, and repeat.
Exactly.
So.. what are you.. or she.. or whomever this story is about, to do?
In the words of the great Vanilla Ice.. Stop, Collaborate, and Listen. If you’re in a relationship, and you’re thinking that things could be better, Stop. Think deeply about things. Have you felt this way before?, acted upon it, and regretted it? Talk to your partner.. Collaborate. Discuss what you feel isn’t perfect.. see if it’s something small that can be changed or compromised. Make sure you’re not just barking out orders.. Listen. Sometimes in a relationship, we tend to start doing the whole “Eye for an Eye” thing. We do something we know the other doesn’t like simply because they’re doing something we don’t like. Eventually it gets out of control and the relationship ends over something that could have been avoided by a simple life change.
So are you saying people should stick with someone they don’t like?
Of course not! Some people just aren’t meant to be together.. that’s life. But in today’s world, we’re quick to hit the eject button. It’s not uncommon to ask “why’d you break up?” and get back something stupid like “He wouldn’t put the toilet seat down!” or “He doesn’t like my dog!”. We really need to focus on the things we DO get from someone, and not so much what’s missing. Nothing is perfect, nothing will ever be perfect. Relationships especially. To sound a bit moronic for a bit..
Oh, you haven’t been doing that the whole time?
…
Sorry.
Anyway.. think of relationship like a “relation ship”. A ship requires a crew.. you and your partner. The vessel is your journey through life. Once you’re out on the seas, you’re going to encounter good weather and bad weather, calm seas and rough seas. You’ll be hungry, you’ll get wet, you’ll laugh, you’ll fight. You’ll have many good times and many bad times.. but you have to remain a team or you’ll both perish. Ships have an eject button.. you can jump into the ocean. If you’re lucky, you’ll be rescued by another passing ship.. but, more than likely you’re going to be eaten by sharks or just freeze to death.
That’s how we need to think of the eject button.. it’s a last chance choice.. not something we jump to hit like game show contestants.
Deep.. so seriously, who are you in the story??
I’m everyone.
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Image via Wikipedia “Life sucks”, I thought while packing my backpack. It was Saturday morning and I was feeling like there was no air to breathe here in Nebraska, so I needed to get away. I’d decided, at the last minute, to make the trip to Denver.. to get away from the pain that I was feeling.
I hit the road slightly before noon, trying to hurry past the Nebraska Cornhusker fans heading to the first game of the season. The road to Denver is a long and boring one. You pass by lots of horses, hay, and over-priced gas stations. When you’re feeling low, this landscape serves well to make you feel like there’s really nothing to live for, and the long drive is plenty for hours of internal arguments and reflection.
Luckily, after what seemed like an eternity, I started closing in on Denver. Seeing the mountains suddenly appear through the horizon is always as breathtaking as the first time I saw it. Colorado is a magical place, it has the ability to restore my love of the Earth very quickly. My thoughts of sadness and loneliness took a back seat to my wonder as I let myself be taken in by the sights and sounds of nature. Well.. not so much the sounds, my jeep is pretty loud at 75MPH.
Anyway, after a long drive and checking into my hotel, I decided to stretch my legs and go for a walk. I came upon an Irish Grill and Pub called Darcy’s. I stopped in and attempted to drown my sorrows. Unknown to me, Saturday nights they have Trivia Night, where they hand out answer sheets, the DJ asks a series of trivia questions, and the winner gets a cheesy prize. The questions being asked were mostly sports questions, which I know nothing about, so instead of writing down answers, I started to draw.
After a few beers my emotions were in control of my art.. I drew an evil flower, representing how something beautiful can hurt you.. I drew a turtle with a human skull for a head, representing how death comes slowly.. and I drew numerous other things. As I drew, I developed an audience.. people would pass by and stop to see me work, it was quite amusing.. each asking me to explain the art, or if I drew for a living. Eventually it was time for me to go, I asked for my tab but the manager proposed a trade, I give him my art and my tab is on the house. How could I refuse?
The next morning I awoke bright and early, I had plans of sky-diving, 4-wheeling, and whitewater rafting. I called every place I could find on the web.. every place was booked. Eventually I called one place, Arkansas Valley Adventures, and while they were booked for rafting, they suggested I take a kayak.. so I did. After a 2-hour drive I was ready to begin. There were two tour guides, Adam and Omar, along with a couple from Florida and a couple from Colorado who were going rafting. We were driven to the drop-off spot, where Omar piled everyone into a raft and I was given my kayak. Just so you know, I’ve never been in, on, or around a kayak.. I can’t even swim! But, I asked for verbal instructions, pushed fear aside, and away I went.
I’ve never encountered anything as amazing as whitewater kayaking in Colorado. The water is so crisp, the mountains so monumentous, and I’m sure the air is cleaner. For most of the trip I could see the raft in front of me, which was great because I could see where the spots were that I needed to look out for.. but eventually they vanished and I was all alone. Alone, whitewater kayaking in Colorado. Who would have ever thought I’d be doing that?
Once that ended, I drove back to the hotel and got cleaned up, dried up, and warmed up! Finally so fresh and so clean, I walked about 400 miles to the nearest Mexican restaurant.. I may be exaggerating.. but it sure felt like it. Along the walk, some thugs sped by shouting “Break yo’self fool!” and chucked a beer bottle in my direction. Luckily their aim was off.. otherwise I might have yet another scar on my pretty head. I made it to the restaurant, ate some good mexican food, then started the trek back, settling once again at Darcy’s.
The manager recognized me and immediately brought my drink of choice. I made friends with some fellow out-of-towners, we talked about homeless people, college football, and who knows what else. Eventually I was feeling good and decided I needed to call it a night.. once again they tried to cover my tab, but I didn’t let them. Happy, I went to bed.
The next morning I was up bright and early, back on the road home. This time, the long journey was filled with hope, understanding, and self-discovery. This journey helped me realize that fear is a roadblock to the party. Fear stops me from doing many things, but fear is a lie.. the cake is a lie.. things never turn out as bad as my fears think they will. In fact, the worst moments of my life were brought about by my reactions to fear.. on the other hand, the best times of my life were when I shoved fear aside and reached out.
The moral of the story.. Don’t let fear control you. Conquer your fears and give yourself a story to tell.
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I had a dream last night, as I usually do, but last night’s was a bit of a break from the norm. Usually my dreams are like action sequences from Michael Bay films.. action-packed, but usually pointless. Last night, however, things were a little more interesting.
It all started with me on a farm. Apparently, some farmers had lost their 14-year-old daughter. I was apparently volunteering my services as some sort of private investigator to try and find their daughter. I was walking through a corn field with the dad, he was telling me how the last time they’d seen her was when she went out to check on the crops. As we walked the crops, a 55-gallon drum slid itself in front of me, as if pushed by a ghost. I looked at the dad with a confused look on my face as his face appeared flush as if he had indeed SEEN a ghost.
I popped off the lid on the drum and it was full of dirt. I started to sift through the dirt when I felt the unmistakable feeling of flesh. A knot formed in my throat as I realized this was the child. I turned to the dad and let him know that I thought I found his daughter, his eyes glossed over and his head dropped as he tried to grip this grim reality. Breaking the silence and sadness of the moment, a booming voice billowed; “Yes, that is the girl. She should not have died, she is a special girl and she will not be dead much longer.”. We looked all around us in a panic.. confused and greatly disturbed by this voice. Calmness soon fell upon us as we realized what that voice indeed was. Along with the realization, I could now see the spirit of the child standing mere feet away from the drum.. alongside her was a shape of a man, with no distinguishable features.. an aura, at most. The child stood there with a sad look on her face, as if scared and confused herself.
The aura reached into the drum with one arm and pulled out the body of the child, setting her gently on the ground before us. He turned towards the girl and, without a word spoken, the spirit of the child laid down on her body, restoring life to it once more. The father become overjoyed and rushed to hug his daughter.
The aura then turned to me and proclaimed that the death of the child was at the hands of her very own mother, whom despised her for her beauty. See, the child’s mother had been born with a facial deformity. The aura announced that he had forgiven her and would restore her beauty as well. From the distance we could hear a scream at the farm, no doubt from the mother’s deformity having disappeared.
In an instant, the aura and myself were now standing in front of my home. He thanked me for the good I have done. He mentioned that since Will Smith was no longer funny, he would leave me with a gift.. suddenly a book appeared on the ground before us. On the cover of the book was the following: “Happ.il.ly”.
The aura told me that until Will Smith is funny again, all I have to do is touch the book and I will be able to relive the happiest moments of my life. He cautioned me, however, that thinking about the worst events of my life while touching the book could indeed take me there instead.. assuring me that it was in my best interest to alway think positive. With those words he was no more.
Curious and excited, I rushed to touch the book.. I was instantly overwhelmed with the most powerful blast of immense happiness. It was as if every moment of joy in my life had become bundled into one second. It was a great feeling, one I wanted to share. I called my friends, they called their friends, soon word was out and everyone was coming to touch the book.
Then one day, Will Smith was in town and he touched the book. Shortly thereafter, whenever anyone would touch the book, it would hail severely over the book. I pondered aloud why this was happening, the voice answered.. “Will Smith is funny again.”
Fin.
Crazy shizzle, huh?
